Hello, new to this site, decided to make an account and express how I’m feeling. For about a year or so now, I’ve been dealing with deep negative thoughts on my appearance, future, and motivation. I can’t explain it fully, but it comes in episodes monthly. At times, I feel alright, and at other times I feel like ending it all with a rope, only thing stopping me is friends and family who care about me. The thoughts I have about myself are negative, during certain time periods, lets say, through half the month, if I look into the mirror and don’t like what I see it affects me, I begin to lose motivation to do anything, to even do homework (In college so once I lose motivation I fall behind.). The weird thing is, this only happens at certain times. Sometimes, I may not like how I look in the mirror, but I don’t care I just carry on, but during certain time periods, around mid-month, it affects me greatly, which is why I like to call them episodes. I remember last year one day in high school during gym I bursted out tearing, a guys worst nightmare in a all-males locker-room is crying so I tried my best to hide it. I couldn’t sadly, and a bunch of my buds figured out, they asked me what was wrong and I didn’t want to say I was crying over looks, and not feeling like I’m good enough, it’s such a stupid thing to cry over, but for some reason it had me in tears, however, a couple days later it stopped bothering me and we all forgot about it. I haven’t opened up to my parents yet… they think I’m a mentally-stable guy, but I know they will just refer me to church as my family is very religious. My dad is a big “toughen up” guy so I know he will tell me to toughen up and stop whining about small things. I’ve tried my best to stop caring about my looks, I try my best to avoid mirrors, I know I’ll probably never get married, or have a family, I’ve already accepted my fate. I just want to get rid of these episodes, they haunt me. I’m moving on to the next chapter in my life, I have my career set-up and all, I just don’t want to be dragged back by these thoughts that leave me depleted and un-motivated as I need motivation to get this bachelors degree. Can anyone relate?
Yes. I can relate. Sometimes, we think if we show our emotions, or try to talk about our feelings, we are seen weak. We are not. We are humans. We share the same weaknesses and strengths. Toughen up is the worst thing to say to someone if they are going through a rough patch. I don’t know you well, and I have no right to tell you to get over it. Becoming better takes time. It won’t happen in an instant wish. I’m not sure if you want that? I do! Hehe. I don’t know if you are going to reply, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. There is nothing to be ashame of. If you want to be sad, go for it. Cry. After that, keep fighting. No matter how many times you fall, pick yourself back up and go again. If you want to share more, this community is here with you and for you. I hope you are hanging on. Thank you once again. God bless you.
First i want to say we are glad you are here! I also want to say that no matter what, your feelings are valid. The way you feel isn’t silly or something to just toughen up about. Clearly it upsets you and that is worth taking note of. I am sorry these negative thoughts about your appearance are so control and invasive. I can definitely relate. When we have issues with our self image, it makes other aspects of our life difficult because the negative thoughts and feelings we have towards ourselves seem to take over.
I would encourage you to challenge the thoughts you have about yourself. For example, your self talk when you look in the mirror. Whenever you go to say something negative about yourself, stop and ask is this really true? I have found that to be very helpful and it has also helped me become more aware of when I am picking myself apart. It isn’t always easy to do, but it helps us realize that all the negative things we say about ourselves just aren’t founded in truth. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else because we know ourselves the best and because of that, it is hard to see ourselves the way we truly are.
Know that despite what the mirror may tell you or make you feel, you are more than enough. You are worthy, valuable and so very loved. We are glad you are here. I believe in you and your ability to fight this and also get your bachelors degree!!
Yes Ma’am! Thank you for the response. I believe part of it is me being too hard on myself, I will continue to work on that. Once again, thank you for the support.
Thank you AVJR. One thing I realized is sometimes crying actually helps me out afterwards. When I cry I let all the thoughts out, and then after I feel better, rather than keeping it in and trying my best not to cry. I will use this advice in the future. Have a great day!
It can be tough to feel this way. My father was the same and I am definitely not the definition of a muscadine male. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything?
Regardless - it’s easier to feel down on ourselves when we are in a low state of depression. I personally have bipolar disorder. This disorder has manic highs and depressive lows. Personally for me - knowing when a ‘low’ is coming helps me to know to prepare.
It’s easier for me to be wounded by my own insecurities when I’m low. So I fight the thoughts off and remind myself that these thoughts aren’t actually my own - they’re just my depressive episode talking and it’ll pass.
I think keeping a mood calendar and reminding yourself that these feelings aren’t permanent is hugely important - as you clearly don’t feel this way all of the time
I accepted a long time ago that there are things I can’t fix. My nose, my eyes, my chin. I can’t change those. And I shouldn’t compare myself to other people. Because looks fade. And what I should be proud of is who I am. And what I accomplish in my life, for me.
Are you comparing yourself to other people?
You’re so loved. I hope to hear back from you /m- you deserve happiness and I hope that my perspective can help you achieve that