Before I start this, my feelings are what they are and they will never change. I feel no love for my brother whatsoever. I’m not looking for advice or responses. I realize that my attitude and actions may come off immature but at this point, I don’t care anymore. Just venting because no one else will listen or care.
I was abused for a really long time by one of my older brother. When I say abuse, I’m not talking about how brothers normally act. He would go out of his way to make me feel horrible when he didn’t have any drugs and he would get physical with me sometimes.
I hate him. Every ounce of his waste of skin. I hope his girlfriend (who is the mom) gets some sense and takes his kid.
I’ve had the “It’s not him, it’s the drugs!” talk so many times now that my reaction to that now is to belittle and frustrate people whenever they bring it up. I do that to everyone. Why should I consider their’s or my brothers feelings when mine aren’t?
Whenever my family, specifically my mom, talks about me talking to him, it makes me want to work harder at killing myself. I’ve already tried 8 times this year so far.
They’ve tried convincing me it was peer pressure and the friends he hung around with, which I now laugh at and always come back with “He could have walked away.”
If they really cared about my feelings, they’d drop this topic. I get that my mom wants a big happy Brady Bunch family but it will never happen. I’ll be dead before that happens.