Feels like I loss my sense of purpose

This might be a lot but here goes. Recently I’ve been battling some anxiety/depression which seems to be rooted in some deep thoughts. I’ve been work from home (Graphic Designer) since the pandemic started and I think since then, I’ve fell WAY into a comfort zone. I used to cope with my motorcycle when weather was good so this Winter hit hard. I’ve been getting medication changes/did inpatient services, still feeling like a struggle.

I just want to change my thought process to be better on the daily average, I’ve been hitting the gym most days and that helps but I realize I put all my eggs into the basket of my day job… and now I have the fear of losing it because of that. I did do myself a favor and updated my own portfolio and I liked that personal achievement. This has been something that accrued overtime but I really need other things in life that provide happiness, meaning, etc. I’m trying to stay off social media except some IG which I followed other bikers. Nothing too hard pressing is even going on outside this. But here I am, still feeling the anxiety. Has anyone else had a similar experience through the pandemic and the need to fulfill their time better? Thanks for any advice or views.

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Hey @Cataclysm_X,

Reading your lines it sounds like you’ve achieved a lot. It is so hard to find motivation and get things done when battling with depression and anxiety. You have a day job, updated your portfolio, go to the gym. This is a lot, especially considering your struggles.

I have a couple of questions:

How do you define your comfort zone? Do you want to try out new things? Or is rather that you put pressure on yourself and think you have to do things differently?

What do you mean when you say that you want to fulfill your time better? What is it right now that makes you think there is no purpose in what you’re doing? What do you dislike about the activities you currently engage in? Do you want to spend more time outside?

Do you have an idea of what causes the anxiety? What are your worries? Is your day job unstable and do you feel like you need another source of income to have some more financial security?

Staying at home all day every day, not seeing anyone, that’s been very depressing for me during the pandemic. I also experience finding purpose in life very challenging. It’s something very individual. Living up to your own standards and not anyone else’s is a very important part in that, so staying off social media is a good thing to do.

I’d love to read from you again. Have a nice weekend. :slight_smile:
Just in case you haven’t heard this today: You matter and you’re loved. :hrtlegolove:

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From: micronious

I see someone who has already changed their thought process for the better… This post alone shows how much you are already moving forward on that path. I’m proud of you! Honestly, the pandemic has made us all have these thoughts way more than we should. This is very normal… try not to overextend those worries into thoughts … into scenarios that you don’t want… Negative thinking is far from what you want to do I can tell… You are strong and you can remember how much you have accomplished and how far you have come. Don’t force yourself to feel better, understand what that cause of anxiety is and conquer it just like the champion you are! I can’t wait to hear how you’ve overcome this in the future! Much love and light friend!!

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post. I think from my understanding of what you have written you are far from alone in your thoughts and feelings since the start of the pandemic and lockdowns began, people that started off dreading the idea of staying shut indoor suddenly realised that it can indeed be a peaceful and stress free environment where you do not have to deal with the everyday toils of other humans, traffic, noise, pollution and mess, all the things that our brains absorb and that stress us out everyday so why on earth would we want to go back to that when we can work from home, still chat to our colleagues on skype and have the best of both worlds right? Its great that you have been getting out to the gym and I think the more you get out the more you will just get used to being back in the big wide world as you were before just as you got used to being in and before you know it you will wonder how you ever stayed home, its very strange and a bit scary how quickly us humans do adapt to circumstances that we don’t imagine, how many times do you hear yourself or someone else say “if someone had told me a year ago id be doing this I would never have believed them” its extraordinary what we can adapt to. So be patient with yourself be kind to yourself, have a practice at calming yourself a bit with a few relaxation techniques when the anxiety arrives, and I honestly think you will slowly ease back into the life you knew before having learned how much you like your own company. I have put a link up for you on how to relax when feeling anxious. Good luck friend. Much Love Lisa. x
Relaxation Exercise to Stop a Panic Attack - Bing video

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Hi Cataclysm_X (Tevor)
The way you have been feeling is normal. Many people including me had felt this way because of the quarantine. It takes time to adjust yourselt to it but it also takes time to unadjust yourself. Try to find hobbies and activities that connect you more with other people so you can slowly overcome your anxiety. Also dont push yourself too hard. Focus on what you would like to do and try not on what you should or what should be good for you. That might have more of a negative effect. This will take time tho, so be ready for that. I hope you will see progress sooner rather then later. Wishing you luck :wink:

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @Cataclysm_X I’m sorry you’re going thru this. The pandemic has turned many, many people’s lives upside down. I’m not sure where you are in your “journey” with meds, but I know for me, I had to try a bunch of different ones before I found something that worked a little bit for me (I still need adjustments from time to time as well). If you still feel like you’re struggling, I would talk to your doctor about that. It could just be that you’re not on the right meds or even dose. I hope you figure this out and find peace! ~Mystrose

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Hey there, first of all I just want to say- I’m so proud of you for accomplishing all that you have done. Doing the small things may seem insignificant in the moment, but later on you see the great impact those things have.

I’m sorry that you have been struggling with some anxiety and depression lately. I’ve been down that same road and it’s easy to stay locked into the thoughts in your head. I see you work from home, and I understand why it feels like you’re trapped sometimes. May I suggest going for a walk or run if possible? Doing something extracurricular like reading a book or exercise has definitely helped me be happier lately.

I’d also start each day with positive affirmations. Make it a part of your morning routine. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak good things over yourself. You are enough, you are loved. And we here at heartsupport see you. Thank you so much for sharing, I hope it gets better <3. Hold fast!

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From: SuchBlue

Hi Cataclysm_X,

The pandemic made us feel even more isolated from everyone else and left us trying to make the best out of what we have alone. We shouldn’t push ourselves to do things that we aren’t in the mood of doing because you don’t get that satisfaction of when you’ve finished something you really wanted to do. Try to explore new things, maybe music, sports, or anything else you might be interested in. It’s good that you decided to minimise social media as much as possible since you felt like it was causing more harm than good.

I believe in you :hrtlegolove: :hrtlovefist:

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, Trevor! You have a great username, btw :+1: I know you’ve been here about a month but welcome to the community :hrtlegolove:

You sound like you have been doing well with the pandemic so far if you are just now starting to feel like your purpose is slipping. That tells me that you enjoy what you do and that is a wonderful gift. So many people have lost their way these last couple years. Myself included.

You should definitely try doing things outside of just working. I know that’s harder in the winter but the gym sounds helpful. And you can go for walks on nicer days. Is there any craft or activity that you can do indoors that you’ve always wanted to get better at but never felt like you had the time? Physical art, reading, making something, baking, cooking, etc? Anything really you might enjoy that has nothing to do with your job. Maybe finding something you can do with other people so you have some interaction, even if it is with other people online if you still cannot interact with people in the real world?

And why do you worry about losing your job? Did something happen that makes you think you will lose it soon or is it just not bringing you the joy it used to?

I feel like this pandemic has hit everyone in very similar ways. Everyone in the world has been affected by it whether they realise it or not, whether they admit it or not. I personally worked in a grocery store most of 2020 before being unable to take it and quit. Then I was stuck inside with nothing to do all that winter but while away my life online with people doing basically nothing. I enjoyed the time with them but my life stagnated horribly. Some of them were in the same place. We all just let time go by while we accomplished nothing real for a bit.

I don’t think anyone thought the pandemic would last as long as it has and there seems no real end in sight. This truly is the new normal of the world and that is just so depressing to acknowledge.

Finding what joy you can in a stagnant life is that best we can all do. Find something you enjoy doing and do it. That’s the best advice I have. And feel free to come share those new passions with us here. We love hearing about people’s struggles and accomplishments. All updates are good. Hope to see you around again. Be well, Trevor, and good luck :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks for the response, Yeah I think it all routes to being a bit hard on myself and needing to focus on just a couple things (my job, my mental/physical health, and having some fun maybe?) With a bit of focus on improving things as I go, as I feel more stable. If that all makes sense. What causes anxiety is a lot of over worrying of things that I think won’t even happen, worrying far into the future… So therefore needing things to ground me to the moment.

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Thank you for the response. For activities so far - video games, netflix, reading, talking to friends, gym. And at the end of the day I am looking to kind of do a little reflection that focuses on how the day went, and maybe my goals/what to do for tomorrow. I feel like if I address that, then I cnan focus only on the present stuff and not crazy far ahead things, things that may not even happen (wasted energy/effort).

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