My fiancé moved out. It’s mostly on me. I’ve struggled with addiction for my whole life and that plus the daily stressors of my mental health, they just wore her down. She still loves me, and I still love her. It’s one of those situations where she doesn’t want to cut me out of her life, in fact she hoped and hoped and HOPED that I’d get my act together before she felt compelled to leave. But I didn’t. And now I’m alone with all these feelings. I’m 21 days sober, I’m trying like hell to apply some discipline and structure to my life. But I miss her so much, ya know? I drove her away with my neurotic tendencies, my lack of emotional self sufficiency, shit like that. None of these are her words. These are mine. I know exactly what I did wrong. I’ve known for a long time what I’ve been doing to mess up my life, and it took this kick in the teeth for me to actually start doing something. I guess I’m not even looking for advice. I know what I need to do. It’s just so hard. And so painful.
I guess I’m hoping that if I just keep aiming for the highest good that I can, that maybe I’ll have a chance of fixing things, both internally and in my relationship.
Any words of encouragement would be wonderful. Thanks.
I am so proud of you for being 21 days sober…that is not a small feat. There are so many other people that would have given up by now, but you did not. I am also proud of you for seeing what needs to change and working towards making those changes. Take everything one day at a time. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself.
I know you feel alone in this moment, but you can also see this as an opportunity to work on yourself and make the changes and improvements that you deserve to make. One of my favorite quotes that I try to remember: “You cannot pour into an empty cup.” I take it like this, I have to be the best me so I can help others as they need me to help them.
Take this moment for you. Be selfish at times. I am sending you all of the love and good vibes that you need.
There’s a piece of me that’s terrified that I can’t do this. Being sober is hard enough on it’s own, with no way of numbing all the negative feelings I contend with on a regular basis.
But to then lose the woman I had such a close knit bond with…? It’s so hard to handle. She was my best friend in the world. And now I’m all alone, and in what can only be described as a catastrophic amount of pain.
I feel so lost, ya know…? I come home from work to OUR apartment, which she decorated. I come home to the two dogs WE raised. The second I pull up to my place, I just start crying because I know I’m gonna walk in and she won’t be there.
I get on some level that I’ve gotta accept that, regardless of whether or not we can reconcile, I’ve gotta get MY act together. But all I can even think about right now is how lonely I am, how much guilt I feel for driving her away, and how hopeless this all is.
I guess I’ve gotta try to “fall in love” with myself, in some sense…?
I completely understand what you mean. It is going to be difficult, on many different levels…but I believe that you are worth that work and investment that you are going to have to do. Don’t jump to conclusions and think this is the end to anything. Look at it as something blossoming into something new and beautiful and wonderful.
Will things be different? Yes.
Will things change for the good? Yes.
Will the good things return to you? Maybe. They may come back to you even better than you thought they would.
Totally floored by this. All I can say is thank you. This is a challenge, but I’m up to it. And y’all’s support is an enormous help in that. Thank you, again.
Hi connerm1219
I know it is hard to let go of an addiction. We have a case of an alcohol additcion in family. I know from my personal experience that being with a person that is additced to something is hard and frustrating. That said that does not mean that you are not loved. I am sure your fiancé loves you but it is just to much for her right now. If you can pull through and start getting treatment she will support you and help you. Just dont drown yourself in the addiction.
Take care and hold tight
-Ashwell
