I have had an on an off battle with alcohol and depression past couple of months hade so hard I lost my Mother a few years ago and my family fell apart my dad had his new woman at her funeral he was very Abusive I moved to Tennessee after 9 to try and mend old wounds but some wounds are to deep
To heal I met a lovely woman who really touched my heart however things got strange and she was distant and all I wanted was for her to talk to me and I got drunk and I guess called her names and she ended it with me and i try to tell myself it will be ok I did this to myself alcohol has destroyed my life it turns me into something I hate I’ve quit before I’ll have to quit again I’ve told her how sorry I am but maybe this needed to happen I need lto lose something special to me to wake up and leave the alcohol alone I don’t know I hate myself for it she is the last person I ever wanted to hurt
Hey there!! I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I totally know what it is like to lose a mother. I, too, also lost my mom in 2009 very suddenly. I have also struggled with abuse, alcohol, and depression.
Are you open to going to counseling at all? I think having a therapist is wonderful. I have one right now.
I know that you are not worthless, that is a self-created lie due to the alcohol. If you need anything, I am here for you. Even of you just need someone to listen.
Hold Fast,
Ashley
Thank you so much for your response I quit cold turkey once before In really done mid because I hurt someone I care abut and the way it’s looking I’ve lost her and I can’t blame her my hearts broken but maybe That’s what it takes to lose something desr to me for me to get my together I suffer from ptsd as well from growing watching my mother get beaten by my dad he hit her so hard she had to have her eye removed so I’ve her dealing with anger alcoholism is in both sides of my family my mother had given up before she died she would drink s bunch of beer or whatever she had access to and a bottle of pills she passed away in a house fire I had a bond of her trying to get her out our not been an easy road I’m 31 now bouncing from house to house with a dead end job I’ve been trying really hard to get better I just need to try harder
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Addiction makes us do and say things that we wouldn’t normally. I deal with abuse in my family and I deal with addiction to prescription pills and have said things to people I love that I don’t mean as a result of it. I lost an amazing friend of 14 years because of it. Reaching out to people in this community who also dealt with addiction was probably the best thing I ever did. They understand more than anyone else ever could and they know that I love them and when I’m saying some of the things I say - it’s my addict brain talking. I think if you can start to get involved in the community discord it would be an amazing resource for you. I’ve found some of my best friends through there. You can overcome this. You’ve done it once, you can do it again. You’re never alone. We are all here and we believe in you.
Hold fast
Kayla
Thank you so much it’s killing me that I hurt her I don’t like hurting anyone but thank you I appreciate your kind words
It is okay to not be okay. Take it one day at a time. Even if it is 5 minutes at a time, go at your own pace. So many aspects of your story are parallel to mine. My father was abusive towards my mother. My father was an alcoholic as well. He has been sober for 9 years now. But I digress.
I have hurt those I love tue closest to me. It is like you hate yourself so much, that through your self-loathing you self-destruct. I tend to be impulsive as well, which then will lead to sabotaging myself, and others.
I want to wrap you in a huge hug. This world can be overwhelming and want you to know, there are people who still love you and BELIEVE in you.
Please remember when you are wrestling with yourself, there will be discoveries. We tend to look at those discoveries as mistakes, but that is not the case.
I am so sorry about your mom amd your dad. I am sorry that you are going through this heartbreak with this woman you care most about. This trial you are going through now is going to be a triumph. That way someday, somewhere, someone will need you. Then you will be able to lead them. You are so strong, brave, and WORTHY!! YOU ARE AMAZING.
I hope this helps.
In strength,
Ashley
You’re so much stronger than you know. We’re always here for you. That pain sounds unimaginable. I’m sending so much strength your way. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.
Hey @Jessman87,
I’m so, so sorry that you lost your mother. You’re a smart man, so I know that you know that alcohol only masks the problems that you’re feeling deep down (i.e. anxiety/depression). If you haven’t seen a counselor and/or psychiatrist, I would highly recommend it. I’m currently doing both and it is one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made. The first step would be for you to find a healthier alternative to dealing with the deep pain that you’re struggling (such as exercise, journaling, etc. - as opposed to alcohol consumption).
We care for you and we want to see you beat this! Thank you for reaching out, and please keep us updated!
-Eric
Thank you I’m in a metal band to I saw a counselor a couple years ago it helped but I didn’t dig deep enough I and I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal problems and My girl has been distant and I got drunk waiting for her to tell me what was going I guess I was mean and I just really hope she forgives me it’s hard to even look in the mirror the one thing that was making me happy and supporting me and I hurt her so with hard Work I’m gonna use that as my motivation to leave alcohol alone maybe she will take me back I’m not that guy I hope she will forgive me
Thank you so much I own up to my mistakes I can’t let it wreck my life anymore
Thank you so much I appreciate the support I’m new to this website I saw an interview with aj from fire from the gods
And another interview with Matty Mullins of Memphis May fire abd I thought wow that’s reallly cool then then I felt lately my whole worlds falling apart so I gave heart support a try