Reaching out to anybody who also struggles with self injury…
Firstly, I would like to clarify that my self injuries are NOT suicidal, they are more behavioral and I use SI as a coping mechanism.
Anyway, my question to my fellow injurers:
Do any of you find your scars beautiful?
Sometimes, I look at my scars and burn marks… and I just really find them beautiful. I even like the way bruises look on my skin. And sometimes when old scars start to fade, I find myself wanting more.
No. They are just a part of my skin now. Something that was behind me that I have moved past from. I don’t see them as beautiful. Just something I am working on being strong against and not add more.
Finding them beautiful and wanting more is an unhealthy process.
This opinion makes sense. Especially if you are not currently injuring. I congratulate you on your journey!
I’ve been struggling with SI for over 12 years. The longest I’ve had without relapse was 2 years.
Yes, for me its an unhealthy process. Which is what I meant. For me, a cycle like that and adding more would not be a good thing.
I have struggled with self injury since I was very young. Middle school. Ive had points where I was clean for 1-3 years before doing it and then relapsed. I relapsed a year or so ago, but my partner helped me come through it. And then relapsed again a few months ago. Ive since managed to stay clean of it and add healthy routines in my life that help me stay away from it. Self harm and suicide ideation are always lingering, but I constantly am trying to work at it.
Sometimes it helps to find a different process to over come it. Its okay to find your body beautiful. Scars included. Though if its tempting you to want more, it may be something to think about working on. <3
That’s great to hear you have support through your relapses! I try my best as well. But I struggle finding people to talk to who will understand SI. I find that the main reason I try to stop is because OTHERS are uncomfortable by it.
There’s only been a few times when I’ve gone too far and really hurt myself that I wanted to stop just for ME. Because like I said, it’s not suicidal.
Anyway, you are completly right about finding a way to just redirect yourself. I’ve been wrapping myself into art and writing lately.
Aww yea. I can understand that. When I was younger, people were uncomfortable by my cuts. They weren’t exactly very nice about it. So there was a lot of guilt when I did it. It was a coping mechanism for me. I wasn’t trying to take my life. It was just something that helped me relax, even if it wasn’t necessarily a healthy outlet. But people who saw it would tell me I just wanted attention. It was extremely hurtful.
It’s important that you find healing and recovery for you! That’s what matters. Though I know how hard it is to convince yourself not to worry about what others think.
I understand too how it can be such a relaxing outlet. Even if the intention isn’t to harm ourself in an extreme way. It still isn’t the healthiest of outlets. But at the end of the day, you are loved and valued no matter what you are going through. No matter where you are at in your journey.
I also use my art as an outlet. I have been practicing acrylics and also using perlers to make keychains and magnets. It’s been very helpful.
What kind of art do you do?
I have felt this way before and you aren’t alone. Its definitely a really hard cycle to get out of. I think it’s hard to break the chains but for me the shame cycle of messing up doesn’t seem worth it. How low and crappy it makes me feel. How it causes so many more emotions later and I’m never dealing with what’s going on which makes it so much harder to deal with later. Easier said than done I still struggle but I’m really trying to find reasons to not do it and find healthier coping skills. For me I am finally in a place where I actually want freedom but I know it will take time and grace and fighting hard. Even when I messed up last time it didn’t have the same effect. It didn’t make me feel better just full of shame. I hope you can continue to find your reasons to overcome this. I know it’s so hard to find reasons but I know from experience it only causes me more mental pain.
I have a few different mediums that I like to use for my art. One of my favorites is painting… acrylic and watercolor. But I also like charcoal and pastels.
And recently I’ve been writing a lot.
I’m learning acrylic. It’s been a great escape. I have been watching a lot of TheArtSherpa on YouTube for learning.
What do you write?
Thank you for opening up about your struggles as well. One of my biggest obstacles is finding a reason Not To SI. I guess I just always think to myself , “I could be doing worse things.” And since its not a suicidal attempt, I feel like there’s not really any harm done. And it makes me feel very comforted and i enjoy the little dose of pain.Which I know may not be the healthiest outlook… So most times I try to redirect myself.
Ughh but it’s so hard.
That’s a great idea to go on YouTube for tips!
And I mostly just free write. Sometimes it comes out like chaotic poetry. Sometimes none of it makes sense, either way I find it therapeutic
That’s really cool. Writing is an excellent outlet. I used to write a lot when I was younger. I don’t much now.
It’s definitely hard. It’s been the hardest thing for me to let go of. I will go months of being free and than mess up but what matters is that we are trying, that we keep fighting this struggle and keep trying to find new ways to cope. It takes times and even for me it’s a work in progress but I know personally I don’t want to struggle with this the rest of my life. Rooting for you.
I never really considered the thought of dealing with this for the rest of my life. I’ve already been struggling with SI for HALF of my life! that quite a reality check.
Any thanks again for your input and being open to your struggle
Mine to be honest is of a different type. Yes there are scars but not very visual if you dont look close enough. I wouldnt say my struggle with trichotillomania since about 6th/7th grade is “beautiful” considering i still struggle with it till this day just not to the extent that i used to. I cant hide it like you can hide other scars. When people dont know my story and mock me for already dealing with male pattern baldness, i do my best to ignore them, even though it hurts a bit on the inside. Have to find ways to deal with anxiety and stress in healthy ways, at least for me.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggle with SI. I know it can be tough when people don’t understand your struggle, and they only judge the outward appearance. Many people don’t realize injury is accomplished in a variety of ways. It’s not always cutting-even for me. I also burn myself and scratch until I bleed. Or I’ll pick at old wounds. Recently I’ve been hitting myself against objects too., because I like the way the bruises look and how sensitive they feel…
I don’t know why I find scars so beautiful.
…maybe I’m sick.
Even on others, i think scars are really attractive. I’ve always been so fond of the aesthetic and the story behind them. I even like the way my burns scar over to heal.
I feel the exact same way… as soon as they fade I find myself wanting more then struggling to conceal them it’s a bad habit that I always circle back to
Although your SI struggle is unfortunate, I am slightly relieved to hear that others feel this way and I am not alone in this thinking. I am in no way condoning or trying to romanticize self injury. However trigger warning I do find beauty and gratification in the aesthetic itself. I like the way the blood looks and the warmth I feel. Then it congeals, dries over…the scabs last a while, then they peel and I’m left with this beautiful mark of survival. I find the process intriguing and I like that every wound heals differently.
Hmm… not really. For myself personally my most intense moments of sh and the most visible scars are from really bad moments of my life I hate remembering. I’m learning to, not so much love, but accept my scars and love myself in general.
I appreciate your input! I can relate to the feeling of my deepest wounds being from some of my most horrible moments, and needing to cope. But knowing I overcame those moments-with or without self injury- truly holds value to me. The only time I feel shameful is when other people imply I should. I love myself… and I’m learning to love my faults included. But I feel like my behaviors don’t always match what others consider healthy… And that’s where I struggle. Because I feel like others want to fix me.