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Finally reaching out

Hello Heart Support community I have been on this website for a few years now, but this is my very first time reaching to the community due to fear. For a few years now I have been dealing with self worth issues and have had a hard time validating my problems. What I mean by that is that I think I live a pretty good life with a good family, so whenever I have thoughts about hating myself or really sad thoughts that bring me down (I’m not one to self diagnose so I won’t say depression) I try to just ignore it cause it feels like I shouldn’t be having these thoughts with the life I live. One of the reasons I have these thoughts is because I’m a sophomore in college and I chose to be a business major cause I couldn’t decide on anything and I really dont like school. I just spiral into this hate cause I feel I’m letting my family down. Another reason is that since COVID-19 hit I’ve had to stop a really big goal of mine and Its hit me really hard. One last thing is that I’ve been single basically my whole life due to my lack of social skills and I’ve been crazy lonely, all of this leading me into a dark tunnel of porn. I hate it and I want to make progress I don’t want to hate myself anymore I like to think I have a good relationship with God, but I’ve had my ups and downs, but I’m not giving up, sorry that this really long I haven’t opened up to anyone in a long time, thanks.

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Hello @AMGiii

Thank you for being transparent with posting and taking a huge step to reach out even though you are afraid. I do the same thing with my negative thoughts or when i start hating myself I push them away or ignore them, cause i do not have the time to process them.

Have you thought of taking an undeclared degree semester and finishing out your general electives so you can take the time to process what you want to pursue? That way you are still getting credits done toward any degree for the future.

What kind of goal did you have that COVID-19 stopped for you or are you putting it on hold until the virus lets up?

Keep holding strong friend cause you are not alone in this.

This season might be a big valley in your walk with God and the hill is coming up really really really soon.

With love and respect
EF

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Thank you so much, just hearing support from someone besides me trying to convince myself is already helping me out a bunch. I’ll definitely take that undeclared degree into consideration. And yeah I put my goals on hold till COVID is done but I’m not gonna give up thank you.

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