Hey, brand new here, so I hope I’m doing this right. I stumbled across this forum and I suppose it just spoke to me because I’ve been feeling extremely lost and hopeless for a long time now.
Within the past couple years I think that it finally hit me that I’ve been extremely depressed. I’ve declined so much mentally, emotionally and physically it just baffles me that for the most part I didn’t even notice it happening. So far acknowledgement hasn’t helped me much. I keep trying to force myself to reignite things I’m passionate about in my life, like all of the art I used to make. But it just feels like everything in the world we live in is just designed to stop me from being happy.
I’ve become a complete zombie working graveyard security shifts that are contributing in a big way to my already severe struggles with depression and anxiety. There’s never a single moment in my day where I don’t feel sore and utterly exhausted no matter how much sleep I get. I feel as though I’m 100 years old even though I’m about to turn 28.
Sacrificing my mental and physical health for this job isn’t even worth it as it barely pays the bills. In fact as Covid rolled in and reduced my hours, it actively doesn’t pay the bills. I couldn’t even pay this months rent in full, I’ve been riding dirty with an expired registration and today my insurance got canceled. I’ve completely run out of options and I’m terrified that I’m on a slippery slope leading to ruin and ultimately just giving up.
I’ve given thought to going back to school or trying to find a new job ect. But it just seems impossible in my current situation. In many ways, even though I keep fighting as hard as I can, I feel like I’ve already given up. Just letting everything crumble around me.