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Financial ties to abusive parents and how to get out of the situation

I recently cut ties from my abusive parents since it was too toxic. It’s been maybe 2-3 weeks since I’ve seen them (told them to stop contacting me). I still have anxiety/concern/worries In how he will use what I have left our ties against me. I am working on getting my own government phone. In the mean time I’m not sure what to do because I’m anticipating what he may do next.

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I can understand and relate to this. I had to cut off from my mother who is toxic, difficult to communicate with, angry, spite and very mean natured when things aren’t going her way. Sometimes you have to step back even from family when there is a consistent crossing of lines and unhealthy relations that are impacting you negatively.

I’m really sorry that had to be thing. I know for me it came with a lot of stress and guilt. I never knew when how I felt was okay. It took a long time to come to terms with it.

I hope that things will calm down for you guys. Whether it’s that they give you space or you’re able for rekindle that relationship.

Know that you matter here. So if you need to talk about it more or if something happens and you need a safe place, we’re here.

Stay strong

  • Kitty
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@Cp2231

It requires a lot of energy and courage to cut ties from abusive parents, as it can be needed in certain circumstances. I respect that, sincerely. There were many times when I tried to stay away from my mom as well, but I’ve never been able to do that entirely - even though it would be justified, as her behavior is really toxic.

You’ve been honest with them. You set the boundaries that you need for your own well-being. As it’s still recent, I guess it’s quite normal to feel anxious for the moment. Time will definitely help. But I hope they won’t nourrish the conflict between you all or try to guilt you in any way. It sounds that you did what you have to and you’re taking the right decisions to protect yourself. I also hope this will allow you to focus on yourself progressively and live your life the way you want. Wishing you the best from this.

If you’re willing to, keep us up to speed on what’s going on for you.

Hold fast. :heart:

I appreciate you guys commenting back. I forgive what they have done because that is part of growth, however I will never forget. I’ve tried talking to my father but it’s literally talking to a wall. If I stand up for myself he sleeps for 2-3 days because he cannot handle it and claims that If I continue the way I am he will “Die soon”.

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Hey and that’s okay. Sometimes forgiveness is simply forgiving someone, coming to peace with it internally and then going your separate ways. Forgiveness doesn’t always have to mean you keep talking to someone. <3 You’re right, it’s a part of growth. And it shows how much strength you carry when you can work the courage up to forgive. It’s not always easy. For some people, forgiveness is a hard thing to learn. Some people stay in their angry and frustration and let it turn them bitter.

I’m sorry that your father feels like a wall. I hate that. I have so many people who have made me feel that way, including my mom. I’m really sorry about your dad. I hope that things one day can gain some closure and peace.

Unfortunately when I have gone back in the past the cycle continues again. Gas-lighting with love bombing are his favorite techniques. Reverse psychology is another game he likes to play. I’m almost completely tied off I just need to get my own cell phone so he cant have excuse or way to control me. Hes made many threats before that’s why I have jumped from different councelors

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Ugh. Yea. I know that cycle. I go through it with my mother. It’s seriously the most difficult thing when your own parents are so willing to hurt you. Gas lighting is a hard thing to deal with. Reverse psychology too. Ugh, friend, I am so sorry that you have to experience this. It’s awful.

I hope that you can get your phone. Because, yes, it would be good to be free of any kind of control over you. I truly sincerely know the hardships of parents who are like this. It’s been a long battle trying to heal from it. I am sending you love friend. I’m in the heart support discord if you ever need a friend.

Thank you so much. I currently just started seeing a domestic abuse counselor since they specify in that area. I’m just struggling with my identity and train of thought because I’ve been gas-lighted for so many years. I had to endure it for so long b/c I started to think the problem was me. Luckily I now have ssi which has allowed me to stay away from him. I would love to get back to work and school when I’m healed and ready. I also want to say i appreciate your comrarderie.

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Hey, no problem friend.

Thats great that you are seeing a counselor! They can bring so much healing. I’m hoping that I can get this whole SSI situation resolved for me as well so I can go back to therapy. It was really doing good things in my life. If you’re willing to work with it, it can be such an incredible thing. So I hope that continues to be a good thing for you. And sincerely grateful that SSI is available to you. <3 Keep staying strong and just know that if you need a friend, only a message away. Or a wall post <3

Love love love

  • Kitty
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