I’m going lie, there time I go on here to rant about how it suck being a virgin. Going on rants how I feel that women are not into me or I’m just ugly from everyone else. I know there be times, that I will still feel shitty about it and still be hurt about not having a romantic.
But been thinking about it lately that I depend on people validation, that been my problem. I degree myself, cause reach a goal, that honestly does not affect me as a person. Lately my therapist was saying that need do stuff for myself. So rejection does not hurt me anyone.
I’m saddest that I had a fuck up view, on women. It actually destroyed a lot friendship with people, it made look stupid and I really damage my image.
I think we need teach people that we should be able happy who we are as people. Don’t depend on these false standards that society put on people.
you’re doing so well with these journal posts, friend!
Moving from having people validate you to validating takes some work, but you’re doing one of the hardest part - knowing the difference between the two!! That’s good insight and it sounds like you and your therapist have been really connecting!
We all learn in different ways, some from making mistakes, some from studying books or meditating, but we all learn. You sound like you regret some of the views you used to hold and THAT’S GREAT! If you regret it now that shows growth. You are not your mistakes. Your mistakes don’t define you.
I’m so proud of you for the insight you’re having and the growth i’m seeing.
Thank you for sharing such a strong and thoughtful message, @Metalskater1990. It takes a lot of courage to admit that we might have been in the wrong for a while, and that it has made us do or say things we didn’t want.
To be fair, seeking validation from others is something we all do. We’re so trained starting from a young age to be evaluated and noted by others. It’s easy and almost normal to associate our worth with what we accomplish, but what a hurtful trap it becomes once we don’t reach our expectations… It’s an open door to feeling like a failure, a burden, an outcast. Feeling a deep sense of worthlessness is so damaging.
You are so very right: we need to learn more and more how to not depend on standards that are unfair in nature. Having a relationship and not being a virgin over a certain age for example just completely dismiss the fact that there are so many factors and events that we can’t control in life. Life standards that we share puts an unfair pressure on our shoulders. It gives the illusion that we are in full control of our life, completely empowered. It completely denies reality as it truly happens.
Well done for this deep inner work that you’ve been doing for a while now. You really are a brave person, @Metalskater1990, and there is a lot of wisdom arising from your own, personal growth. Keep up the good work. You are worthy and enough just as you are. That is not something that could ever be changed or affected by anything external.
Hi Metalskater1990
Thank you for posting this journal. You have said a lot of deep thoughts and really did an amazing introspection. I am very proud for you. There is no shame in being a virgin (also a virgin here). I know people who have lost their virginity at like 15 years old (the age of consent is 15 where i live) and to be honest i never felt jelaus or anything because it kind of felt stupid. I have never focused on having a relationship so I just didnt have the experience yet. There is a time and a place for everything and that time is different for everybody.
It takes a lot of courage to admitt we were wrong. I know it first hand and I am glad that you have also found that courage to do so. You are really growing as a person Metalskater1990 and I am proud of you for that
