Hi I’m 32. I’m married and together we have six children ranging from4-17. I have recently been going through tests for a lump in my neck. I had an ultrasound the other day and I am able to access my health records online and I read the report and began to google it up… it looks like it is going to be lung cancer… I can even look at my kids without wondering how many more special moments Of theirs I’ll get to witness. My son went fishing and caught his first two bass. My oldest daughter is about to graduate and all these special events and daily moments I have to leave the room and I break down. I need help finding strength so I can be with them in their special moments for as long as I can without breaking down and ruining a happy moments with thoughts of not being there for them on there next adventure or funny joke or anything like that.
So lost
I don’t think there are words to describe what you are feeling now. Calling it grief seems like an understatement. When it comes to breaking down, it’s part of the process that you’re going through and it’s okay for your children, at least the older ones, to know that you are suffering. It will help them understand your sadness. They will also understand why the time you have with them has become so much more valuable.
If you try to hide your feelings from them, they may feel that you are trying to keep them at a distance, at a time when they really want to feel close. The same is true for your husband.
Don’t worry about breaking down and ruining happy moments. Your family will be emotionally and spiritually enriched through those episodes of gratitude combined with sadness.
Trust that you will have many special moments with your family, and many of the most special will be spontaneous rather than planned.
Consider that the most fulfilling use of time is accomplished by maintaining focus on the present moment and how to make it the best possible. Think about being here now, rather than sometime in the future when you may not be.
As a hospice nurse, I can tell you that this can be the most meaningful and beautiful time of your life. Sorting out feelings can be very challenging, especially when the sadness sheds light on the things in life that we most appreciate.
Please check in with me every now and then, and let me know how you’re doing.
I appreciate your honesty and courage.
Thank you very much for taking the time to make this post. It has already helped me so much. Thank you.
I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. Know your diagnosis is not a death sentence. Let your family comfort you & make sure to make the most of each and every day. For me what calms my soul is prayer and reading my bible. Look for little things that give you peace. Please continue to keep us updated on your journey.
Thank you for taking the time to write this, it is greatly appreciated 
Of course friend!! <3
Hey @Matty - the HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. Hold Fast friend, and lean on our community.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post it has really helped a lot already.
My Houston friends THANK YOU SO MUCH. I can’t put into words how much that ten minutes means to me right now but I can say I greatly appreciate it and I am now I know a good path to finding the strength I need to live love and fight
Thank you so much
@Matty
Hello,
This all sounds very recent Matty, and so much to take in all at once.
You’ll find the strength Matty, it will be there when you need it, because it will come from the love you have for your family. With infinite love comes infinite courage. This challenge you face with your family will be extremely meaningful for all of you, so you MUST allow that there is NO right or wrong thing to do here, only to deny what you feel, that would be wrong. Be honest with your feelings and allow your family to be honest with you. There will be joy, laughter, and tears, but also LOVE Matty, Love! It’s the most important thing, just love them and let them love you. Peace.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to write this. It helps a lot thank you
Absolutely Matty, that’s why we’re here, and are so glad that this helped. We’re not going anywhere either and encourage you to stick around and join the community!
Hold Fast friend,
- John
Thank you so so so much! Having you and the heart support team in my corner has been a huge advantage to keeping sane. Thanks you Taylor for the song suggestion and thank you for thinking of me and playing one of my favourite songs.
I think I had some good news today about my ultrasound… I still have a huge lump in my neck BUT ultrasound came back normal somehow… so even though I am confused about how it is normal I want to trust my doctor but still might get a second opinion or something because I know this lump hasn’t been here my whole life . I still have some scope procedures in the near future( there is more they want to look because of my other symptoms) but today I think I’m taking this as a win.
Yesterday my mind set completely changed I “knew” I was dead and if this lump is really nothing at all… what I thought I “knew “ was killing me more than anything else. But yesterday you all snapped me out of that and I am so grateful there are super heroes real life heroes decent people out there like you and the heart support team because I didn’t believe it before.
All the support has been overwhelming in a good way tears of joy and acceptance and really just feeling the love from miles away.
My wife is a trooper she was strong for me and I wanted to give her a break and let her express what she felt and I was able to do that for her after I started reaching out to heart support.
thank you
I started painting when I began to feel sick last fall. I painted this picture yesterday afternoon because I felt better than I have in months maybe even a few years( wrecked my knee a couple years back and had to give up a life long dream I was lucky enough to live out even if only for a minute) but anyways you all lifted me up and this painting happened
Thank you again heart support and everyone who made a post
This is AMAZING! wow thank you so much for sharing and I’m so thankful for the good news!
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