Been having a hard time since August 8th after losing my mother to her battle with cancer. Since then I’ve been struggling with anger, and depression constantly. I’ve typically had her around for holidays or just in general to talk with but now feel lost in what feels like a vast sea. Just doing my best but sometimes doesn’t feel like enough.
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Hey @JesterofChaos,
Doing your best is absolutely enough, especially when your heart is grieving the loss of someone who happened to be so close to you. Feeling angry and depressed makes absolutely sense in such circumstances, and feeling even more affected during holidays as well. What is a supposed to be a joyful time can actually remind us of all the loved ones who are not with us anymore, and all the memories we have of them during the same celebrations. How you feel my friend is absolutely valid and understandable. There really is no right or wrong way when it’s about grief. There’s only what’s on your heart, which matters beyond anything else right now.
Since August, did you have the possibility to talk about what happened, to put words on this traumatic loss? Whether with loved ones, or even a counselor. There is often a right time when we feel actually ready for it. Something we just feel within us. It’s okay is that time is not now. I just really want you to make sure you could get all the support you need through all of this. The pain remains. We never forget. But there are still steps to take to make sure that the pain doesn’t prevent you to live the life you deserve. To keep embracing the love that your mom always had for you, and make sure to process these deep emotions that you have been feeling this year in a way that remains safe and healthy for you.
You are loved so much. 
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Hello Jester,
Grief comes in many waves from the vast sea. But, I believe that you can weather those storms. I am so proud of you for reaching out and finding support through the HS community. I recently found a quote about grief that I like & I truly hope that it encourages you at this moment.
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
― Anne Lamott
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From: twixremix
hey jester, thank you for being here on the support wall and sharing this loss. i am so incredibly sorry your mom passed away in august to cancer. cancer is unbearably difficult to lose someone to, you aren’t alone in going through this. i am proud of you because you’re allowing yourself TO grieve when most would shut down completely. you feel anger, pain, sadness, etc… you are feeling because of how much you love her. i am so thankful she had a wonderful, compassionate child like you, and her legacy, life, and love will always live inside you. so allow yourself to cry, be angry, laugh at good memories, hug your family, write to her and keep those letters safe, and so on. you’re welcome to do all that because you love so strongly. sending you all my love as this holiday season passes and a new year is upon us. your mom would be so proud of you and will be with you every step of the way 2022 and beyond. love, twix
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From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi friend, I am so so sorry for the loss of your Mum, I cannot image how you that feels, but my heart breaks for you and I would like you to know that all these feelings that you are having right now are normal, they are not ok because death isnt fair but they are normal, grief is normal and anger and depression is part of that grieving process, have you thought about going to grief councelling? is that something that you think would be of help to you? Doing your best is all you can possibly ask for right now friend, I am so proud of you for keeping going and for reaching out and writing this post and your mum would be so proud of you too. Please stay in touch, reach out anytime you need a place to talk. Take special care, You are loved. Lisa. x
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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi @JesterofChaos Welcome, I’m glad that you posted and I’m very sorry that you’ve lost your mother. I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love pass away from cancer. To loose someone to anything is horrible and being angry is ok and it’s part of the grieving process. It’s especially hard during the holidays and my heart goes out to you. I wonder if you’ve thought about finding a grief support group? It’s just a thought, talking with other people going thru grief might be healing. Take care ~Mystrose
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