I’ve stated previously that I sometimes have a bit of a temper. I abide by the rules that logic is/should be a stronger dictation of action than feelings, but when it comes to lashing out and saying sarcastic comments sometimes I don’t have that logical control. It’s like I think being angry is justifiable and sometimes fixate on the thing that made me angry. Maybe hyper-fixate on it to the point I get mad that I can’t let it go. I definitely understand how idiotic that sounds, because it’s not logical.
What are somethings you guys do to take time out and cool off. Some things that help make the steps to realising it’s not worth being angry about before you say or do things that you later realise was not necessary?
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Honestly I have one way that really works, but I think I’d get in trouble for mentioning it. It’s not drugs, it’s not cutting, it’s not alchohol, but let’s just say it makes you float.
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Hi e. thehuman,
Breath… believe it or not it helps. A really deep breath that fills up your stomach… yes stomach… through the nose, and slow exhale out of the mouth. Do this about 10 times, and think ONLY of your breathing.
Maybe it might be an idea to think about what triggers you, so you can maybe catch yourself before you get to anger. Stress and tension can make anger the go to solution for many situations, if you’ve got a stressful life, or there is a lot of tension in your close relationships, it may be an idea to see about eliminating the stress with exercise, like a run or something, to give yourself time to work out tension before you’re around others. I hope you find a way forward without all the anger.
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Anger is natural and there’s nothing wrong with becoming angry. That’s all I have to say.
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Hi friend,
Thank you so much for sharing this here and for opening up that is a brave and important step. I know how frustrating it can be to feel angry and then to feel like you can’t stop your anger so you end up just getting more frustrated. It’s like a never ending cycle.
My first encouragement is to try to refrain from judging your anger. Your emotions are not stupid and they usually have something important to tell you. Anger is almost always a secondary emotion. Underneath anger is often pain, insecurity, fear or sadness. My encouragement to you the next time you’re feeling anger is to ask yourself, what other emotions are present here. Then don’t judge them, just acknowledge them and thank them and allow yourself to feel through them. Feeling through your anger can look like doing a meditation, exercising, crying, having a long hug or creating something.
I hope this helps!
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[quote=“gnuone, post:3, topic:19367”]
it may be an idea to see about eliminating the stress with exercise, like a run or something, to give yourself time to work out tension before you’re around others.
[/quote] that is a good idea, I used to do boxing a lot which was always fun. Punch dance that rage out haha.
That’s really interesting, I guess I never thought of it like that. And probably because I don’t usually acknowledge other feelings a great deal it makes sense. As Ron Swanson said “keep your tears in your eyes where they belong”
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What helps me out is to scream along the lyrics of my favorite bands. I suggest it to you.
I’ve seen some good advice here, but perhaps I have a little bit more to add, or at least a little experience to share. Something humans retain from childhood, is the “crankiness” we feel when we are tired or are physically under the weather. You may also be dealing with a number of tedious issues, they are trying your patience. Do your best to eat well and sleep well, As both factors can profoundly affect mood. Often, I don’t notice that I’m starting to become too tired, or not feel well, until feeling on edge calls attention to it.
Something that I’ve noticed about me, is that at times I become frustrated or angry about a lot of things, then realize that the true source of my anger is something other than the things that I’ve been getting angry about.
There are countless approaches to meditation, and perhaps one of them might be suitable for you. The practice almost always helps to bring about clarity and calmness.
Hang in there!
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If we all went by logic, there would be a lot fewer problems in the world. Logic is more logical dictation of action, but it is definitely not stronger. That’s what separates us from computers. It’s what makes us human.
Ah yes, the loop. I know this well. Play out a hypothetical conversation or scenario in your head over and over until your stomach feels like it’s going to melt right through you. I can’t really help you here, other than to say I feel your pain, and when you catch yourself doing it try your hardest to snap out of it. Try grounding techniques, focus on something in the room, stand up and move away, whatever it takes.
To keep from lashing out at people in frustrating situations, as juvenile as it sounds, I take a deep breath and count to 10. It gives me just a little break for my mind to regain control over my lizard brain. I find if I don’t give in to the urge to lash out, I calm down much faster. I keep my adrenaline and cortisol levels down, which keeps me from having the anger hangover, and I can get back to business a lot faster. Anger is natural and even healthy in and of itself, what’s toxic is how you respond to it. If you can shut down the towering rage, it goes a long way to helping you moment to moment.
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Honestly, work has been hectic and all over the place so everyone is extremely tried and going through the cycle of tired-sick-better
I read “lizard brain” and got stuck laughing for a while.
But yes. It’s interesting as well how certain people I seem to sort of lash out more towards. I mean I am better than what I used to be, but doesn’t excuse it.
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Hey Friend!
Thank you so much for writing!
Often times what I personally do is listen to some nice acoustic music to cool off just so I can relax, and focus on one thing and just seperate myself from what’s going on.
Everyone has different ways ton calm, here’s an article about it!
Often times I do come to the realization that it is not necessarily worth getting angry over as I could’ve fixed how I approached the situation or comprehended it. Yeah, it’s not always my fault that I am angry, but I do have to realize that I can ultimately fix how I approach it and how I react to it, so that I wouldn’t be angry.
Hope that helps!
With Love
Ducky
The rumination loop, I think may have to do with carving deep neural pathways in the brain, in an attempt to avoid a repeat of the troubling experience. Sadly, the function can be used to rationalize bad behavior as well. I get the impression you’ve done a lot of thinking about how you think. That’s a good thing.
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I guess great minds… etc. I thought I’d come up with the reptilian brain reference, as it relates to human behavior, but if someone has published the concept, at least I feel a bit validated. I think it’s good to understand the source of our impulses. The reptilian brain is not in itself a negative thing, but relying on it to guide our actions/reactions can be extremely maladaptive.
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