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For when it feels like you're a disappointment to everyone around you

In this video Casey, John, and Jen talk to a user who feels like all the people in their life see them as a disappointment. Watch here:

Next Steps:

  1. What does “being normal” mean to you?
  2. Do you feel like a burden to others around you?

Casey begins the video by telling the user that they’re not alone. Even if, for example, all of their friends actually do hate them, and are disappointed in them (which is very unlikely). Even then, there are still people who will be there for you, despite any of the circumstances happening in your life. As the extremely handsome gentleman in the hoodie says - the first step in finding others who will value you for who you are is asking around, is vulnerability, is risky just a little bit. And then Jen encourages the user to keep pushing through those challenging things that are vulnerable and risky - she explains that it took her a very long time to find her way - and that we all struggle with being accepted, which means we’re all in the same boat looking for friends.

Casey explains that often how we see the problem is the problem. If the user believes that they have no worth or value, then they will act and appear like so. The people around them will most likely see and feel the lack of confidence that the user is putting off, and as a result, not want to spend time with that person. If you don’t love yourself, how will others see their way to loving you?

The answer isn’t to “gear ourselves up” and become a fake version of what everyone else wants us to be, but rather discovering our value and worth for ourselves. Reader, you have value, you are known, and you are heard. In doing the hard work to find your value, you’ll also find people that enjoy your presence. Even better, when you get to a point where you love yourself in a truly deep authentic way…it won’t really matter what others think at all.

Exercise:

  1. Write down your answer to this phrase: “If I could just _________, people will love me.”
  2. Focus on how simple this phrase is. How do you feel when you read it, or when you let it define you?
  3. Cross out the first half of the sentence until “People will love me” is left.
  4. Focus on this phrase now. How do you feel when you read this one?
  5. Thank yourself for doing this hard thing, and when you feel discouraged, focus on the latter half of your sentence, which incidentally, is more true than the first thing you wrote.
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Next Steps:

  1. For me, being normal feels boring. But, I often do conform to what friends may think of me in order to please them and hope that they like me more
  2. Sometimes I do, sure. When I do less than great work on a project, or when my wife is carrying us financially, I can feel like a burden

Exercise:

  1. My phrase is "If I could just have focused passion in life, and be really great at my job, people will love me.
  2. I don’t like this phrase. I know that people would like me more if I was focused on a great endeavor that doesn’t really include how they feel about it. Pretty ironic but true.
  3. I feel very calm. I feel assured, and reminded that - yes, this is the way the world is meant to be