Back to heartsupport

Friend problems

I have been hanging alit with my friends, but they have also been teasing me too much, its okay to do as friends but they go sometimes too far, for example teasing me about me having nail polish (Im born as a male) and, tbh it makes me uncomfortable, but I always try to hide my emotions as because I feel like I would be left out of the group. I wish they didnt do it, but Idk how to explain to them why it makes me feel uncomfortable and as I said, I feel like I would be left out of the group if I did

4 Likes

I am so sorry that your friends are treating you like this. It sounds like to me they arent respecting you at all. I dont know the friends you have or why they are still in your life. So I want to ask have you considered finding a new friend group perhaps finding a group specifically accepting of your identities or such. I to had friends who bullied me till I learned that I am not what others define me as and that I deserve the respect. Hold fast and know that we are here.

Ash

2 Likes

Hey @Ora,

Thank you so much for sharing and reaching out here.

Personally, I think there is an important difference between laugning with someone and laughing at someone. Between friends, it’s not uncommon to tease each other. With some friends, it’s definitely part of how we interact. But getting to that point requires a certain amount of mutual trust and safety, because we know that it is not said to diminish the person, only as an act of special love between people who understand each other well. It’s really circumstancial.

If something makes you uncomfortable, then it’s certainly a red flag to consider. Friends are supposed to hear and accept our personal limits. Teasing each other can be fun, but it can never replace respect, otherwise it becomes mockery.

Is there someone in this group you feel more comfortable with/close to? It might help to try to talk to one of them individually and take the time to explain that these comments make you uncomfortable, but also that you were scared of saying it/to be rejected because of it. It’s always okay to be honest about how you feel. How they react/receive that will unfortunately always belong to them, but you can be at least as honest as you want and need regarding your fears and discomfort. If they are good friends, they will hear you and accept to stop crossing this line. If they take it personally… then maybe their intentions were not that good and they got lost in some kind of group dynamic.

In any case, you are not wrong for feeling how you feel. Discomfort is subjective and doesn’t have to be justified. It’s just how it is.

PS - I think you’re pretty cool for polishing your nails! I was born female but struggle to identify as such. Though I love using nail polish. It’s the best!

Be you, always. You’re amazing as you are. :hrtlovefist:

1 Like

That sounds tough, many people when they grow up look back and say… "Why did I spend so much effort trying to fit in with people who I had very little in common with? "
It’s a hard wake up call but if you have to pretend and endure painful teasing, do you really want to spend your precious time with such people?
Find people you vibe with and who accept you and treat you kindly, reach deep within and get the confidence to tell yourself to enforce firm boundaries about the kind of friends you want to have.

All the best on your journey!

1 Like

Not really, I enjoy hanging out with them but there isnt rwally anyone that I really trusr, we have been friends for a ling time and this has continued fir a long time too but recently as I have been depressed, it has simply just crossed the line

1 Like

Well not really, Im really shy and I enjoy hanging with them, expect for the part when they start making me feel uncomfortable. I know they dont mean it, so thats why I havent left them

1 Like

Thats true, the thing is, they arent bullying me though, theyre nice people, and as friends we tease each other but I have been the “target” lately, and it has started to go over the line, starting to make me uncomfortable and I know that that is not something they ment to do but Im really sensitive, so I feel like I should hide my emotions because what if ill be left out of the group? Its the only group I can fit in

1 Like

If they are your friends and you feel they aren’t being purposely mean, don’t you think they would want to know if they were going over the line and making you feel uncomfortable? Wouldn’t you want a friend you cared about to tell you if you were doing that to them?

There is no reason to hide your emotions. You have a right to feel them and express them, just like everyone else. You can sit them down and just tell them how you feel without any, for lack of better words, drama. If they don’t take you seriously and continue, then they aren’t really friends and I know that’s really hard, but are you willing to hide who you are to have friends that make you feel bad?

3 Likes

Hi Ora :slightly_smiling_face:
Thank you for posting. Friends can sometimes be insensitive and as you said teasing too much. I have my own experience with that on both ends of the problem. There were times where I was teased about things that were too fresh or triggering to me. Then there were times where i teased a friend about something that was again too new or triggering to them.

I want to ask you something. Is the nailpolish teasing triggering because of something else maybe. Like are they teasing you that you look like a girl and that is triggering or are they making fun of the music you listen to? It seems to me there is more behind this but you dont have to tell it is ok🙂

Try to talk about it with your friends. Hint that sometimes it is too much. They should understand. :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like

Youre right, if they do something like that and I tell them that it makes me uncomfortable, Im sure they will understand! Although Im not sure how to respond if they dont take me seriously

2 Likes

Yeah, I guess. For wxample one of them was like “Og! Im surpised you didnt take a makeup calender because you are so feminine” and it makes me sad, especially since my mom is transphobic ect, and yes there is more that they make fun of me. Ill try to hint to them when its going clearly over the line, hopefully it will work

2 Likes

If they don’t take your feelings seriously - that’s crossing your boundary. You say " yo I’m outta here to get real friends, I need supportive friends!". At some point here - you MUST get a strong backbone and put the foot down.

We must overcome the FEAR of losing fake friends. That is part of true self-love and clear boundary setting.

3 Likes

I am sorry for that. It must be difficult.:frowning: Do you consider yourself a trans person or are you into an alternative fashion style? You dont have to label it I am just curious :slightly_smiling_face:. I hope your friends are supportive and will limit the teasing.

1 Like

If they don’t, then walking away is what I would do. Why have people like that in your life? Surround yourself with positive energy and people that respect you. You might feel in this moment that you’ll never find any other friends, but you will. Trust me, you will.

I bet your friends will be fine tho, from how you’ve described them :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

I am Demiboy! Born as a male, but I like wearing nail polish alot!

3 Likes

Demiboy. Cool. Sounds like a superhero name :grin:

2 Likes

Hahaha, it means I identityfi myself as girl and boy, but more of boy basically

3 Likes

Thanks for the explanation. I think that it is really cool. I honetly think that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are great the way you are. I am sure you look great with your polished nails. :wink:
Here is a little something about me. I always wanted to have the emo style long hair but my hair is just not made for it. It would take too much effort to maintain and it would not look so good on me. Even tho many people would consider it a “feminine” haircut I just think it looks beautiful. I would like to be more feminine in some ways too. :grin: Damn the slowly but surely receading hairline!!!:sweat_smile:

2 Likes

Hahhaha, thank you! I appreciate that!

2 Likes