I you for reading in advance.
I have no friends and don’t know how to make friends. I’m 34, and it doesn’t seem like I can find anyone my age to hang out with. I can’t seem to find anyone who likes skateboarding, dance, gymnastics, football, art, and video games. I have never belonged to a community and I’ve never had any opportunities to be part of a community. I would rather die than live the way other people are living. I feel helpless, because it doesn’t seem like anyone is mature enough to be my friend. It doesn’t seem like anyone is physically or mentally capable of being in my presence because no one seems to understand how to be respectful to other people or how to preserve and protect life, and I don’t know why things that are common sense to me aren’t common sense to other people. I feel like an advanced alien life from on a prehistoric planet run by immature, uneducated people, who will rob me of my dignity and human rights if I try to do what I want (i.e. practice therapy), and I can’t live like this. I actually am dying and have no way of surviving in this society. I do not believe I will be able to survive to 40. I’m terrified for my safety, my survival, and my ability to reproduce.
I’ve spoken to many many professionals, they all say I need a healthier environment. Does anyone know of a healthy environment: a real community of people in real life I can relocate to?
Hey thanks for your post and for sharing.
It certainly can be hard to make new friends, it can be hard to make time to spend with people and having so many different interests, not everyone is going to have all of those things, maybe one or two.
I just wanted to make sure I understand you properly, have you been engaging in various communities for these interests, or is it just meeting people and finding that the interests don’t line up?
When you mentioned people not being mature enough, what does that look like to you?
And I also wanted to clarify what it means to you to have people rob you of your human rights and practicing therapy. That they are actively trying to convince you to stop what you are doing or that they are relaying their own expectations and experiences onto you?
It doesn’t seem like I can find anyone with any of these interests. Not being mature just not knowing how to be respectful of others.
I can’t practice therapy because I don’t have a license, even though I’m far more qualified than the people I’ve met who do practice it. i just can’t figure out how to get licensed. I have no idea how to live, function, or survive in a society where I cannot challenge anyone’s authority or capacity to do their job. I do not know how to survive in this society.
I like what you said about other people relaying their experiences onto me. I don’t think that’s appropriate.
Hi Phil,
thank you for reaching out with your struggles.
being respectful has nothing to do with being mature in my eyes. you always should respect another.
find people who match your interests can be hard. not every of my interests match with the some of
my friends, but that is totally ok. don’t be to hard to people, let them learn also. let them get to know
you better. this takes time and energy, but if someone knows you better, they can handle you better
the way you are. this can take a lot of energy but is worth a try.
they are worth it as you are worth it my friend. stay strong and you matter.
I think people who do not respect others are not mature. I figured it out: it’s all about people meeting each others aspirations. Peoples aspirations for themselves and for me and for others is much much lower than mine. For me to meet others aspirations I have to stoop so low it would feel like my dignity is being stripped from me.
I mean I don’t even have 3 references to get into a masters program. I’m too isolated to even have what I need to apply. It is very difficult to survive like this. If anyone knows of a town or a place with a community of people who actually care about each other, please let me know. It doesn’t matter where it is. I’m willing to relocate 6,000 miles just to live in a healthy environment.
People don’t have to have the same aspirations as you, and I don’t think that it’s about looking down on others.
Maybe that’s sort of something that’s stopping you from finding a community more than location.
I have no interest in farming, but those people are good at what they do and provide produce for us.
I’m not overly into fashion, but some people are creative and it’s a way for them to express that.
It’s important to return respect to others if you’re looking to receive it.
But that’s for you to decide if you really want actual community of friends or if you’re just looking for people with higher education and experience.
And that’s okay if that’s what you want, just keep in mind though that when you place yourself above others who don’t have that, you’re also trying to come from a place where you don’t know people and don’t have that experience yet. Sometimes having a friend along the way is important.
Well the problem is I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t look down on anyone. People are too busy to be my friend and don’t share any of my interests. I am begging people to help me find a close knit community where everyone is friends with each other.
Yeah making friends can be a bit tricky. I find it hard to sort of grasp there there is absolutely nobody around who shares any of the interests you listed. There’s also an online world of communities as well, that could be a place to start. They can help create confidence and may even know of other communities in or around your area.
I’d love to share this Ted talk with you if you’re interested. He talks about loneliness and the importance of meaningful relationships.
I would probably skip to 9 minutes in, but the the whole thing is very interesting
