Friendship problem

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1

Me and my best friend Maria got into a fight last night. Well not really a fight. She has been feeling jealous cause I am starting to call and talk to my other best friend Jessy more and Maria has been getting upset about it.

I always tell her she is my number 1 and that no one can ever replace her and last night she said that she is beginning to feel like I am not my number one. Right now we are in a good place but I just wish I could express that she is my number 1 and always will. What do I do?

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2

The best thing would be to just continue to talk like you’ve always done and show her that she is your number 1! All friendships have ups and downs and people have periods where they don’t talk as much as usual which seems to be the thing here, but it’s not something necessarily bad. She just seems to be used to being the one you talk with the most, so i would say the problem lies within her.

So if it doesn’t work talking with her like you’ve always done, then try talking to her about it and see if it’s something she maybe feels insecure about. But remember to be empathetic if you do that as you don’t want to come across as agressive or something alike!

3

I have being in a similar friendship like this…where my ex-friend is currently jealous and mad.
It’s a long story but, i’ll explain later. For now, I’ll focus on your situation, hope that it’s okay with you.

Jealously can be…a very bad thing in a friendship or in other stuff too. It can be consuming in a way. (That’s how, I pictured it)

On how I see this is that…If…She’s your best friend, she should understand that you have other friends too , not only her…but, since, she motioned that she’s upset and…feels not like the number 1 friend than…I’m not too sure on how to response to it if I was in your situation.

Since, to me, It may seen harsh but, I think…It’s on her?

She’s needs to understand it that you have others friends too where…she can’t be number 1 focus and pushing this jealously away because, you guys are still best friends in the end. You motioned that you told her that you care about her and she is your number one best friend.

I’m glad to hear that you guys are now in a good place.
Sometimes, friends can have tough times but…That’s how it is.

All I can say to help her not feeling like this:
Spend time with her, talk with her too.

Only if you feel to, do not forced yourself to hangout, for the reason to remove this jealousy side but, in the end of the day, it’s…on her. Sorry again if it harsh but, it is the truth.

You can’t be 24/7 spending time only with her. You got other friends too and other stuff too in life.

Now…I’ll tell my complicated story…
I had an ex-friend where he send every 24/7 message me where…he wants me to spend time with him but…He didn’t understand to not cross the line and I can’t be there 24/7 from many reasons.
He felt alone, I guess, wants to…keep me for himself from others.
Each leads to be jealous towards others that I spend time with like in video games or hangout in real life.

In the end, we no longer talked together because, he removed me from Social Media and…Now, he keeps being jealous about it if ever seen him real life.
I no longer choose feel guilty about it because, it was his choice to remove me and ending it.

Remember that…
It’s not your fault, at all if…You feel like not doing enough that she doesn’t feels like number 1.
I don’t know, what else to say but…Continue talking and spending time with her.

Take care, hope things will work out! Sending hugs!
-LostWings

4

Like in many relationships, people have their love languages. It goes for friends too. People receive love in different ways. I’d continue to reassure her of that, and ask her what you should do to help her feel that she is still your number one. When she tells you, do it.
Some people need words of affirmation, some people need quality time. Find out what she needs and do your best to give it to her.

5

I remember the days of having friends fight over me and deal with jealousy. That’s hard because jealousy can be such a hard emotion to deal with.

The thing is, you need to be able to talk and hang with other people without another friend being mad at you for it or getting upset. You ARE allowed to hang with other people without Maria being there. And it is okay for you to share friendship with others and Maria still be your best friend. And it’s also okay to have more than one best friend.

Sounds like maybe you guys just need a good heart to heart over lunch or something. And she needs to understand you love her. But jealousy can really cause unnecessary stress and anxiety for everyone. She should feel confident in your friendship.

Good friendships don’t hold expectation over one another. Let the friendship naturally be. It’s good to nurture the relationship by talking and hanging but it doesn’t make you a bad friend for having more than one friendship. So don’t let the guilt get to you.

Just remind her that jealousy is a dangerous emotion to feed and see if you guys can maybe further talk about it. Maybe hear her out and see what she says. Be open minded to each other.

I hope it gets better. I’ve been there. The best resolve is compassion, love, patience, honest and opennesses with one another.

Good luck

  • Kitty
6

I do wish to hear about your situation with your ex- friend if that’s okay.

7

No worries, i’m okay with it, I’m moving on slowly…

It’s very complicated, I explained it out in my previous topic but, I’ll explain it here. Trying to keep it short.

I…haven’t talked with them for 3 months. It was an friend that I met in my last year of school…
I…think, in the end, I don’t know him very well like his personality and more…
I’ll be honest, I thought that…It was a really rushed friendship.

Certain things were telling me as an warning where I start to feel very uncomfortable from what he shared and what he said to me(some were negative response), the boundaries…but, it was mostly because, slowly, I felt that his negative emotions went into my own emotions from being an empathy person.

Like I motioned your response…He is texting/calling me 24/7 on Instagram or Discord to talk with me.
Despite, I’m not available at the moment or didn’t want talk with him.
I know, what I did was really wrong but…It is too late to turn back now.

To me, it takes time to trust a person and making them in the level of friend or best friends.
Since, I see it as step by step, not sure on how to explain.

I made a decision that…I decide to say no because, I felt that I slowly forced myself to make him happy.
I don’t know if it was the right decision but, it may be one of the reasons leads…ending our friendship.
I don’t see him as a bad person because, I know, he is facing his inner-demons that I once faced before like…Depression or Loneliness.

I tired to help him but, it only leads to an unhealthy cycle.
I couldn’t tell if he was actually happy or what I did helped him because…I had a rough time to figure it out.

During my recovery, I realized that it may be an unhealthy friendship and much more deeper than, it is… where a lot of my emotions went guilty from the words.
It really brought me down looking back our conversations too.
It was too much for me to handle.
I get it that he feels alone and wants someone to help him but…
He has accept himself first. (It’s not a bad thing to get help from someone but…still)

A part of me wished that I talked more with them or stay longer in this friendship but…It will only lead affecting my mental health worse.y.

In the end, I learned that…you can’t save everyone that doesn’t want save themselves or be 24/7 with them. As much as, it sucks…

I don’t think, I’ll go back into a friendship with him. I’m not ready to feel again these bad emotions over words. What was missing is communication. Since…He decide to remove from both Social Media.

I end up not trying figure out why but, it was his decision.

Now, i’m feeling much more better where I no longer feel guilt about it…
It may come back around because, he goes in a specific convention and…I might run away to avoid them like confrontation.

Thank you for listening my story
Sorry if I was not detail about it…
I’m still unsure about certain things but, I choose to let it go than, hold on to it.

All I hope is that…Things goes well on your side that…It won’t leads the path that I took
but, I believe that your friendship will be alright.
Maybe…Some day, your best friend will understand to let go of this jealously.
As along, the communication is still going.

-LostWings

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@Will_the_Gamer you need to have a talk with Maria. If she values you the way you value her, then she’ll trust your word when you tell her she’s your number 1. Maybe have her and Jessy hang out, get to know each other. Maria may be your number 1, but that doesn’t mean you cant have other friends