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From ashleyjohns0321: I’ve struggled for years with my weight and recently in the past 2 years lost 110lbs. Now however, I’m more self conscious than I ever have been. My biggest issue is the PTSD I suffer from after suddenly losing my brother Travis 8 years ago. Music is by far my lifeline. I actually picked Torn to Pieces to play at his viewing, so it’s no surprise to me that this talented group of guys in Pop Evil teamed up with my pal @joeychicagowalser to do somethings as amazing as this to bring awareness to mental health. One thing I’ve always loved about Joey is his down to earth, caring nature, but also his amazing talented sides. It’s an every day struggle with the voices in my head. "Would it would’ve been easier on the parents if I would’ve been the one killed that day? Why is it so hard for me to move on from it? Why is it that every time something goes wrong in my life, I relive the whole two weeks from the day he passed until the day of his funeral? Even when it has absolutely has nothing to do with it? Then I go into a deep depression for about 2 weeks and eventually snap out of it. Music always helps, even just a little! Thanks for this and thank you Joey for always being amazing and true to yourself and your fans…thats why I love ya!


i feel sorry to hear that about your brother, my thoughts are with you my friend. thank you for sharing this
with us. you are strong, we are proud of you, your family is and your friends. you are loved and you matter.
you deserve all the good things in this world. :purple_heart:

ashley - that kind of guilt is such a heavy burden to bear. “It should’ve been me.” It is so easy to believe. It’s easy to believe everyone would have been better off if it was him who lived and you who died. You know, in some weird way, listening to that kind of voice feels penance. Causing me pain evens the score somehow with your brother. It feels unfair, and when you suffer, it feels like in some way, you’re paying down on a debt you feel you owe him for drawing the lucky straw.

Isn’t that lie so twisted? You love your brother. You would gladly trade places with him. Wouldn’t his love for you be HAPPY to be the one to die so you could live? It is hard to accept that kind of love. But when you reject his love, doesn’t that dishonor his sacrifice? Doesn’t your suffering do the same? It is hard to combat that lie because it is so tender. It feels so RIGHT. He was caused pain, so I must suffer too. It feels noble- I am joining in his suffering. But it is looking at the situation from the wrong side of things. If you look at it through his eyes - through his love for YOU - he would be honored to take your place, and to let you flourish.

Living life to the full is not something to feel guilty about. It is a way you can carry him with you, stand on his shoulders, feel his joy. You deserve THAT, not the opposite. He would think so, just like you would.

Maybe today is the day to break up with that lie and take up a new lens. One of love.