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From mmystical7733: lost my mom in September and I’m struggling with getting through the holidays without her.
i am sorry for your loss, and my toughts are with you. lossing someone close is always hard, the struggles
that come with that, the worries all of it. you are strong and you will get through this. thank you for sharing
and take care, you are loved and you matter most my friend. 
mystical - no kidding. It is a compounding of your loss on every window where you have a memory with her. It’s like waking up, knowing your dominos are all going to get knocked over with memory after memory after aching memory without her. Hard to walk into a season knowing it’s going to be like that. Hard to imagine a world where you could ever reclaim joy, ever FEEL the smile on your face you put on for others. It is a hollowness, a kind of loneliness that feels unreachable. Like you are so small, living inside of yourself, seeing your body move and engage, but you don’t feel it. You’re lost in the pain, and no one can find you, even if they’re looking right at you.
I’m sorry for your loss, friend. I can’t imagine. It is hard to think past the moment, but I don’t think you have to. It is okay to honor your mom with your grief, with your sadness. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Feeling the loss will eventually give you degrees of healing. It’s okay that it takes time. And it’s okay that things will never be the same. The pain can be a way to remind her that she matters to you.
Grieving with you.