just a few days i made a post saying that things were looking up but i feel like i sort of jinxed myself with it. my mom has been frustrating me to no end these past few days and in general i just feel like shit, to put it nicely still.
but the main thing that bothers me is; my parents and i planned to go on vacation next month for like a week or so, because we have not been in years and my dad and i could really need it. and i think my mom too, but here’s the thing; my mom already barely leaves the house because it stresses her out a lot, so my dad and i suspect vacation would stress her out even more. and that in itself is fine with me, i can absolutely get behind that. but whenever my mom is stressed, she takes it out on us - mostly me. she gets mad at everything i do and always finds something to bitch about in those moments.
i’m not moving fast enough? i get yelled at.
i forget to do something? i get yelled at.
i quite literally just exist around her? you guessed it! i get yelled at.
i don’t know how she’s around my dad in those moments, but i suppose similar. my dad is just a very calm person and doesn’t really get angry. i don’t get angry either - i’ve never been actually “angry”, so to speak - but i get annoyed very quickly.
and the thing is! i’ve tried to talk to her about it. i really tried and i’m very sure my dad has too but she just won’t see the fact she has issues with her temper. she always just shrugs it off, says that it’s just a thing that happens, but it shouldn’t, right? i mean i dont really know any different, since that’s how it’s been all my life, but i get the feeling that’s not exactly how it should be.
and like, i don’t even know what to do anymore at this point. and i’m a child - i don’t think i should even be worried about all of this in the first place, but i am. and although things have significantly calmed down in comparison to a year ago, i still get terrified of her when she’s in a bad mood.
i was really looking forward to this vacation, even if we weren’t even sure if we could afford it in the first place, but the more i think about all this, i’m not so sure anymore.
If your mom doesn’t see a need to change, she won’t. She doesn’t understand that she’d feel 1000% better if she received some therapy to help her to manage her emotions.
Would you feel less frustrated if you accepted that she isn’t going to change, and you’ll simply have to keep working around her issues as best you can? My mom was bipolar, schizophrenic, and exhibited symptoms of borderline personality disorder. It was rough, but I survived. Maybe it was easier for me because it never occurred to me that she was going to get better. In her mind, she was perfect, and never wrong about anything. I regarded her bitchy moods like passing storms, irritating, but they’d pass.
It sounds like she has anxiety issues, and quite possibly has become agoraphobic. Her mood swings might be an outcome of feeling trapped by her own fears.
Yes, you’re a child and shouldn’t have to deal with your mother’s problems, but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to make the best of your situation. Focus on ways to keep her feeling calm if you can.
You will grow up, and be able to find a better living situation. Just keep that in mind. You won’t be stuck where you are forever.
Think about ways to answer her that will redirect her from habitually negative thought patterns. Be proactive sometimes and tell her something she’d like to hear. If there are ways to reduce her stress, for example doing some chore that makes life a bit easier for her.
I hope this helps. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Wings
Hi Friend, I’m really sorry that your mother seems to have anger issues. I actually suffer from uncontrolled rage and when someone doesn’t have coping skills it can just come out of no where and be pretty bad. So, she is kind of right when she says it just happens, because it doesn’t sound like she has any coping skills. For me, it wasn’t something I can just turn off, it takes some work like therapy and self reflection. I hope your mother can get into therapy or something to help her. Take care! ~Mystrose
I can relate to this so much. My mom & I were like you are with your dad when I was growing up. I knew things that I didn’t need to know as a child. Would it help you at all to see if you could have someone else to talk to about all of the things that are going on in your life? Maybe having a different viewpoint might be helpful. Maybe your dad could benefit from something similar as well.
I hope that you can find some support that you need. I am sorry that this has been going on. If you need more support from us, don’t hesitate to post again.
You are strong. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.
Hi Friend, Thank you for posting. I am sorry you are not having such a good time. I would like to say firstly that I am sure that both of your parents love you very much and it must be hard to be yelled at all the time by your Mum, it does sound like she is stressed and I am sorry if she is and I hope that she has some one to talk to however saying that, both your Mum and Dads problems are not yours, not their marriage, not their finances not any of them, they are theirs alone, all you should need to be worried about is school and growing up. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I mean that in a good way, Its not a childs job to worry or be upset by their parents concerns, you will have those yourself as you get older, I would love for you to enjoy being young whilst you are young. I know that can be hard when you are being yelled at and sadly there is not much you can do about that, your mum needs to sort that out but for you, you would feel so much better if you were not worried about big problems that were not yours. See if you can let go and trust your parents to sort their own things out and you get out and have some fun. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers x
