FurnaceFest Fan #8

I think my ex-wife left me because I was too nice and did everything she asked for


Damn…divorce in general is brutal but to have it be because it felt like you were doing the right things? Like you were trying to be a good person? Feels like it makes no sense…

And it also digs right into the belief that — well maybe I’m just not good enough, not man enough, not ___ enough…for the person who knows you the best to reject you is the deepest form of pain because you can’t hide behind any excuses…oh they just didn’t know me. It feels like — fuuuuuck…that just cuts.

And it destroys your life man, to be living with someone, fully committed to the rest of your life in one direction, and then just have it blow up in your face. That’s tragic. World ending.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine. But I can imagine the kind of courage you have to wake up every day and start anew. And that’s impressive. I am proud of your resilience and thankful that you shared.


Hey friend. Thank you so much for sharing about this situation with your ex-wife.

I can’t even imagine how disheartening it was not only to realize that the person you love left you, but also that it might be because you were too nice and kind to her. It’s a double punishment when you realize that kindness could be turned against you. It’s not like you would have wronged her or hurt her in any way, but because your commitment would have been too high. It’s unfair. It shouldn’t be like this.

I’m sorry she didn’t see in your character and love the things she might have expected from you. Though this was about her possible expectations. Not your worth as a human being. We’re all “too this” or “not enough” that. But we learn. We thrive. We grow. And a relationship can be one of the places where we learn.

I wish your ex-wife would have seen that potential for growth in your relationship, and the unique beauty there is for just being kind and commited to someone. However, a wound like this one holds also the potential to acknowledge and reaffirm your own value. You being here today and sharing about this painful experience is a step taken in this direction. To get to know yourself better, to assert your boundaries, to not be ashamed of your own qualities and the good you bring around you, are so many things that I wish for you through your own healing journey.

It takes a lot of strength to acknowledge the reality of a situation that could bring you to so many damaging and unfair conclusions about yourself. Through your vulnerability today, you show that having a soft heart doesn’t make someone weak, unlike the stigma tends to convey. I commend you for your bravery and your strength. Well done, friend.

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