I’ve been mulling it over, asking my friends and therapist for advice on gender but everyone tells me I have to find out myself. It’s too confusing. I’m a male from birth, but since I was a kid I’ve wanted to be a girl. But I’m not transgender. I don’t want a sex change and I don’t want to take risky hormones. I’m ok with my package. But I’m not a manly man. I don’t want to be manly. I enjoy being feminine and immersing myself in feminine things. I’m not 100% gay either, I’m pansexual. I’ve always been shy to express my feminine personality because of my family and societal standards. I feel like I’m trapped. I want to like my body the way it is but I have this idea that I won’t be accepted unless I change my body to fit my mind. But I want to stop caring what people might think.
So what am I? Could a guy be this feminine and not be gay or trans? What category is that? I don’t need a sex change to be comfortable in my own skin, do I? I like wearing feminine clothes, my bedroom is a shrine to girliness, I admire masculinity in men but I don’t act masculine. It’s so confusing because I don’t think I’m full on trans. I’d rather keep my body but my mind is just pulling in all different directions. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable, maybe it’s just the not knowing for sure what I am or what I want to be. I’d rather be what I am if I knew what that is. I don’t wanna be what I’m not or get expensive, permanent medical procedures.