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Gender troubles

I’ve been mulling it over, asking my friends and therapist for advice on gender but everyone tells me I have to find out myself. It’s too confusing. I’m a male from birth, but since I was a kid I’ve wanted to be a girl. But I’m not transgender. I don’t want a sex change and I don’t want to take risky hormones. I’m ok with my package. But I’m not a manly man. I don’t want to be manly. I enjoy being feminine and immersing myself in feminine things. I’m not 100% gay either, I’m pansexual. I’ve always been shy to express my feminine personality because of my family and societal standards. I feel like I’m trapped. I want to like my body the way it is but I have this idea that I won’t be accepted unless I change my body to fit my mind. But I want to stop caring what people might think.

So what am I? Could a guy be this feminine and not be gay or trans? What category is that? I don’t need a sex change to be comfortable in my own skin, do I? I like wearing feminine clothes, my bedroom is a shrine to girliness, I admire masculinity in men but I don’t act masculine. It’s so confusing because I don’t think I’m full on trans. I’d rather keep my body but my mind is just pulling in all different directions. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable, maybe it’s just the not knowing for sure what I am or what I want to be. I’d rather be what I am if I knew what that is. I don’t wanna be what I’m not or get expensive, permanent medical procedures.

Hello, props for reaching out first of all. I need to start by saying I don’t know a ton on the subject. The common thing here is I am also a man. All I can say is be yourself. It’s a simple answer but I say do what makes you happy. There may be times where you do not fit into certain communities because there are so many groups lut there that say you have to be one thing. Just be you, keep up whatever it is you like to do for fun and you will always have the HS community to back you on that. Again Im not expert (I am a married Christian male). So we may come from different paths. But don’t let anyone’s opinion get you down. I have hobbies I do thaf I feel like not a lot of people are into these days so I can relate a bit. Hope this helps a bit

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Thanks, I have hobbies too but I’ve been putting them off because of mental dilemmas like this. There’s so much going on in my head it’s hard to focus. I just hope I’ll find myself if I keep asking these questions

Hey @Ori,

Just a thought while reading this… maybe the answer is in what you actually wrote here. Or it is, at least, an important part of your answer. From the outside, my first impression when I read your post was to think : “this person is already aware of a lot of things about themself”. :wink: A lot of people have not this level of awareness.

You don’t need to fit into categories. I understand your questions, we all need landmarks and to find our own identity. So maybe another question for you would be to ask yourself why would you like to be able to fit yourself in these standards? Outside the opinion of others and outside what you’ve been told through your education. Is it really your own need, or is it other’s opinion talking for you?

There are so many people on this Earth and we don’t even know how to define “identity”! So what remains is that you have your own life, you have your personality, your desires, your tastes, your feelings, your representations.

And even when you don’t find yourself under a certain “label”, this is saying something about who you are. It helps you to identify your own outlines. And it can’t be inclusive: “I consider myself as a firefighter because this is my job and I love it …” and being exclusive at the same time: “…but I’m not a guitarist because I prefer piano.”

And, even better, it seems like deep inside, you already know what you want or not:

But I want to stop caring what people might think.
(…) I don’t wanna be what I’m not or get expensive, permanent medical procedures.

These are just a few thoughts and the questions you ask yourself are of huge significance to you. I hope you’ll find some enlightments in this community, which will help you one way or another. :wink:

Dang, that makes sense. I guess I also want to fit in? I have always been a loner so maybe looking for categories is my way of trying to connect with like-minded people. I have always felt like the outsider. Even in close knit groups I’ve been the black sheep and the weirdo. I want to be accepted into something for once. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t stop caring. Being my own thing still feels separate and lonely.