Okay so I’ve started going to bed early and im just kinda in love with it. I wake up early so I have more time to exercise and do the things I want to without having to worry about not having enough time for it which is one of the reasons why im kept in a cycle of staying up late.
I have a 2 days streak of going to be early. And its going to be a 3 day streak soon because im in bed at around 10:30 now. Not sure if that’s early but I consider to be haha because i used to go to bed at like 1 or 2 am and wake up at 12PM naturally.
And now im able to wake up now around 8 o’clock without an alarm.
I tried making pancakes on my own for the first time and they were all BURNT lol but i still ate one with the scrambled eggs im used to making already.
I think its because im not used to this stove maybe. We switched before i could learn to do it on that one since i was already familiar with how it was set up.
But anyways ever since I deleted that one toxic venting app with its toxic community. It has been so easy to stay regulated now. I’ve been using it for 4 years until I just decided enough is enough.
The only reason I really stayed was because I was lonely. I wanted to talk to people and get the attention I don’t normally get from my offline environment.
I wanted to be liked or loved by people. And good handful of people did. But as humans its easier to pay attention to the bad people who say bad things about us. I mean there was a lot of shitty people.
I gave these people too much power and attention when I shouldn’t have. I was used to fighting for who I was, what I liked and disliked. Because my entire identity was being attacked.
And on the app, blocking usually meant defeat and I didn’t want to appear as though I’m weak or defeated. You were basically praised for taking shit from people on this app and holding it together. It was a fight to show how unaffected you are. But to be honest, everyone was being affected and no one leaves or they always return eventually because they are also addicted to staying there.
I get people telling me to die or to kill myself when i vocalize that im not in a good mental health space. I get racist remarks for being black. And when I say racist I mean REALLY racist. Slurs and all. And the insults were THE WORST just because of my race.
They don’t seem racist until I call them out for being an asshole to someone else than they use every slur in the book. Its scary and I usually laughed it off.
But the more you’re exposed to it, the more you wonder why the world hates you so much.
What makes it worse is that this app is anonymous and bans only ever work 50% of the time. If you want to report someone, you can’t just press report cause most of the time it does nothing.
I wake up, check the app and my day is already ruined cause I couldn’t help but engage myself in stupidity and the behavior of trolls or just people who are actually sick in the head and are okay with being sick in the head.
Next thing that has been going on that im kinda concerned about is that ever since my parrot has laid those unfertilized eggs. She has been neglecting herself, not eating or drinking enough. Until I decided to just take up away instead of waiting for her to abandon them naturally. She feels lighter when i pick her up and she can hardly vocalize anymore or chrip normally. She had some diarrhea too.
Thinking of taking her to the vet since the pet store owner who I bought her from gave me the number and address to an animal clinic just in case, for a sore foot she had which did get better on its own after some rest.
All Coco wants to do is sleep or rest now and she can barely fly so she needs my assistance to get around. I can tell she wants to fly or do things but can’t be bothered to now.
I think I might have to make a call soon. Im just watching her right now and making sure she is okay. Giving her food and checking to see if she drinks enough water.
I know vets can get really expensive. I just hope she gets better and that we have the expenses to cover and treatment we might need.
Im not ready to lose my sassy feathery bestie.
