I’m using this post to get myself together/correct the deviation from course/assess the damage (if we’re being dramatic) since I would like have to believe the nightmares are a thing of the past. This is a list of things I need to fix from most to least important, and how badly each one got wrecked by this stuff. Since I have more energy now, I need to get back into full swing, ready state as fast as possible. I’ll resolve? (resolve sounds a bit chill, I’m doing this with a bit of spice and aggression) all of them, starting from the top of the list.
Eating - I never realized how much mental state can manifest physically. I haven’t eaten much during those weeks except for very small amounts of rice. I ate my first full, healthy meal (it was
sandwich) without any pain or weird feelings today and it felt pretty good.
Sleeping - Pretty much completely broke my sleep schedule and I’m still very sleep deprived. This one’s been getting better and I dare not say anything besides how I think it will improve, gotta feed my body, not my subconscious.
School - Because of above mentioned sleep deprivation and my strange acts of prioritizing school over myself, school feels pretty difficult now. I have a few assignments that I’ve fallen slightly behind on them, nothing too much, nothing I can’t handle.
Overall strength - I’ve fallen far beneath standards for physical strength, probably because of lack of food and sleep deprivation. Yet another example of mental stuff manifesting physically. I don’t like feeling so weak, I don’t like being so weak. I can’t do some of the things I was able to before. I know I need to resolve other list items first, gotta have energy before doing anything else.
Other mental health stuff - If we’re putting numbers on it, this is at 55%. The stuff that I did on 1/13 still affects me a lot, even though it was all fake, representations of the real things that I am afraid of. The fear of sleeping hasn’t truly passed, and there’s other, smaller feelings in the mix as well.
Self care - This got messed up big time. My room, along with many other things, have to be classified as high entropy zones now.
If you’ve made it this far, congrats! Thank you for reading my list and good luck on your adventures.
These are all wonderful items and goals in themselves. It’s so good to see that you’ve took some time to list the areas that would need improvement and are, overall, about self-care/covering fundamental needs that will improve your well-being. It is very inspiring – thank you for sharing it. I think it’s brave to say: this is what I want to work on, and this is what I’m seeking accountability for. I should take example on you! 8)
Super proud of you. You got this.
Note: Do you have some kind of plan of “first steps” for your Goal #1 with eating?
Thank you so much for your kind response!
And to answer your question, the plan is currently a seafood diet, I sea food, I eat it. (haha bad joke, I’m shore you got a laugh) I passed the ‘low energy point’ and got a second wind, which is probably not a good thing, so I’m trying to get back to a normal state reasonably quickly. Also I don’t know of any other plans/first steps.
As much as I tell other people to chill out and go slow, the ‘take it easy’ part is gonna be hard, I’m a bit of an intense/hardcore person, especially on myself. I try to have high uptime and be fully functional as much as possible, so I try to get back to that state as quickly as possible. I’ll try though
Just wanted to check in. How’s your journey been so far regarding some of these goals? Would love to hear from you, if you are comfortable doing so. Please don’t see from me any pressure or obligation, just a genuine care in how you’ve been doing lately.
Sending friendly thoughts your way and rooting for you.
Thank you for checking in! I’ve come back to eating normally, which is really great. Sleep is still a bit of a struggle, at least I’m too tired to remember anything when I wake up, so to give more power to the good thoughts, I’ll say that nothing happened. I recently finished A Way Out, it’s a beautiful game, but the ending, although well written, made me project my own fears onto my friend. My conscious mind knows that he’s fine because this is not one of his fears, but something inside still thinks ’if I’m afraid of this, then everyone is afraid of this’, so I worry about him. School needs to take a back seat right now’s because I’m sick, but I’ll use winter break to catch up on all the work. Before I got sick, I was able to hit the weight room and run with my friend, which felt really good. I’m planning to keep doing that after I recover. My general mental health is better, just the typical grades anxiety. Since I’m sick, I have been forced to take care of myself so I can return to a functional state faster. Those are all the updates for now!
