tw//self-harm
I’ve vented and posted on here about how bad I feel about myself a few times already, and I think I’m actually starting to make an improvement in my own health. For years I’ve been stuck on feeling uncomfortable with feeling happy. I’d been sad and hurt my entire life, so feeling better than I had felt foreign and strange. But I think I’m starting to overcome that.
The other day, I said to myself “That’s it, we’re going to stop cutting” and I’m sticking to it. Of course, I might end up relapsing in the future, but that’s not right now. Right now, I’m clean and It makes me feel better. I’ve also been looking for healthy outlets for dealing with trauma. We have so much trauma, and dealing with it all is hard sometimes, so I’ve been figuring out better ways to deal with it. Right now I’m writing a song about trauma and what it’s done to me that I’m planning on putting in my first album.
For the first time in a while, I’m happy with how I look. I’m not uncomfortable with any part of my appearance anymore. I look like me. I look how I want to look. I cut my hair the other day, and for the first time in months, I’m comfortable without a hat on.
Just based on my genetics and past, it’s likely I’ll have depression for most of my life, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy things either. It’s not going to be easy, and yeah, there might come a day where I’ll need to take medication for my depression, but I can try to make the most of what I have and learn some healthier coping mechanisms while I’m at it.
