I’m down n’ out n’ feeling more depressed as time goes on. Still no progress with making friends in my town. Now I’m at a point where my dad tells me I shouldn’t drive my car long distances outside of town because things keep breaking and it’s an older car. Wise words. Especially cause today I found out I have yet another expensive repair. Like the third one in a few months time. Looking for another car, but it takes time to find the right one. In the meantime, if I follow my dad’s wise advice, that means I can’t visit all my close friends that live an hour and a half away. Was planning to go in a couple weeks to visit again. This realization is making me feel even more alone with not being able to make friends where I live. At least I was trying to cheer myself up with being able to see my out of town friends when I want! My sister’s wedding is this upcoming weekend. Still regretting not being a bridesmaid only due to the cost. (As I waste more money on the car I’m selling when I get a new one.) Not sure how I’ll get through that. I can’t seem to snap myself out of the regret and I need to. With all this money on the car and what I’ll spend on a new one, I can kiss my plans to go back overseas this summer good bye. Was planning on seeing a former student graduate and was going to volunteer at a home that reaches out to disadvantaged kids and single moms. Was gonna trust God with the finances. But now with a giant chunk of my savings going to car stuff, well here goes my plan to live off savings this summer. Not to mention that I was looking forward to going to Texas over winter break to visit a friend. Can kiss that fun good bye too. Probably won’t have money for airfare. I’m so over life. I want to trust God, but he can’t even bring me friends where I live so how can I trust him with the other stuff. Feeling alone and increasingly depressed. Eating one decent meal a day cause I just am not hungry anymore. I’m having a hard time putting on a genuine smile at work and giving it my all.
Aren’t cars annoying? I just had to replace the starter in my car, $600! So I know exactly what you’re going through!
But maybe you could facetime your friends? I know sometimes our plans don’t workout, but that’s the hard part of trusting. I just want to encourage you ans say that you’re not alone, you are loved, and you have a purpose!
NomadicWanderer,
Man this is so brutal…I’m so sorry that it feels like life is literally crumbling at your feet at the source of one single thing…money…like your sister’s wedding, your friends, your fun, your happiness…it feels like there’s nothing that will bring you back from the brink of losing it all because of this car stuff, and that’s such a disappointing place to be…to feel like God has the ability to rescue you from this but that He isn’t and you don’t know why, which makes you feel like you don’t know Him and can’t trust Him and can’t trust that He’s predictable…or even likes you…it confuses everything…on top of the guilt from your sister’s wedding and the loneliness from missing your friends…man…that’s so gnarly. So much negative feelings right now about…well…feels like everything. I’m sorry you’re facing all of that friend.
@NomadicWanderer Thank you for your post. Clearly things have not turned out the way you imagined… Our stream community responded to your post that you can find here:
I hope you find this helpful. Blessings to you.
-Brian from mydaddycangame