Hi its me again.
Honestly I am not even entirely sure what this post is gonna look oike when I finish it. Today was… ok. It was definitely one of the better days, even though it was far from great. The truth is… I am just tired. Not in the traditional sence of the word. I am just tired of… people I guess. Now dont get me wrong a love talking with my friends and most of the people here are great. I just… I had a realisation today. I like being alone when I am home. I like my alone time. I am so much more comfortable when I am alone. I dont have to abide by someone esle standards. I can do pretty much what I want. I can organise my time the way i want to. Its nice overal.
I am also tired of opinions. I dont like politics and discussing it. The same usually goess for religion and other stuff. Yes I hold my believes in what is true and right dear but you dont see me showing it in peoples faces where ever I go. And its not just politics. There are people who just want to find something bad about everything and everyone. people trying to find some polical meaning somewhere where it isnt. People telling others how they should live. I just wish I didnt have to deal with some of the bs, because no matter how hard I try it always seems to find a way to find me.
Hey Ashwell, It sounds like you’re getting burned out with things. I feel for you on that. It sounds like you thrive with your alone time and for people who get energy by spending time alone, it’s absolutely critical to take that time for yourself. Is there a chance you can do something to shake up things, like taking a trip, or doing something you haven’t done before
I accidently hit enter on my post reply! lol. But is there something that you may love doing that you haven’t done in a while to get your spirits back up? Just like you I get drained by the same topics of conversation you mentioned and sometimes even get annoyed. I look toward my alone time so I can recover my energy and feel like myself again. Stay in there, friend! You got this.
I love your honesty and it always breaks my heart to see you hurting. I do hope that through your alone time, you’re not withdrawing completely into isolation. It’s a scary place and to sit alone with one’s thoughts can verve on becoming dangerous.
Maybe there needs to be a middle ground with like minded people who are just ready to embrace you for you and know you as a person and not for your beliefs. It’s easier said than done I understand. I also hope that it’s not these opinions and standards that are driving you to feel the need to be alone. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Thinking of you in this time dear ashwell.
@DiscordReply Thank you for your supportive replies. You are right I might be a bit burned out. When it comes to change I had started playing some new games but I doubt thats enough but there are still things that need to be done. I am also tired of the instability. When I am in Prague I never know if my brother is gonna drink, When I am with my parents I dont know if my mum is gonna drink. And then there is the hypocrisy. My mum wanting me to tell her how often does my brother drink while pouring herself a glass of wine from a bottle that she hid in my wardrobe… I mean you cant make this stuff up. Another thing I have been experiencing is that I wake up tired and even after a good night sleep. I feels like I am just complaining and I am sorry. It has just been bothering me for a time. I hope your are gonna have a good day today. Thank you again
@Ashwell, I feel like I can feel your feels in your post here. Like has been said, we do need time alone to regroup and regain our personal energy. And that is necessary to our health and it’s good as long as it doesn’t lead to isolation. I know that you know the difference and you work to stay in the healthy place. In that I am genuinely relieved and pleased to know that you are working on that. I’m sorry that the alcohol abuse in your family is taking a toll on you. It’s not easy to be around and knowing when to speak and when to not speak is a skill that has to be learned as I’m sure you know.
One thing you said is that you are waking up tired even after a good night sleep. May I suggest that you see a doctor about that. Yes, it can be a symptom of depression, but that fatigue can also be a symptom of other physical ailments, including auto immune things. So getting a check up and telling the doctor about this may help. Chronic stress takes a toll on the body as much as the mind so please take care of both my friend. You are far too valuable in this world. Your total health matters to me. You are loved my friend.
Hi Mamadien
I am sorry it took me a bit long to respond. Thank you for your support. My parents are doctors so I dont go see the doctor very often. For now i have fixed my tiredness with some coffee. Its working so far. However I feel like I am starting to figure out where it may be coming from at least partially. I said earlier that people are beginning to tire me. Thats true but its also something a bit dfferent. I feel its also relationships. I am trying to settle down situations. I am careful with my brother and mum about what i say and always watchful about in what kind of mindset they are. I have also bee there for people who were struggling. trying to be available to give support. Then there are my irl friends. thats a chapter in itself. I am just tired of being the one who tries to fix things. I want problems to be solved. i want things to get better. i want situations to go smoothly. I am sensitive to how people feel but lately I have started to become more and more distant.
The truth is I feel alone. Because I have so many people around me but i feel like if I let go and started falling they would not catch me. I feel like I need some unconditional love and support. Someone who can see all the darkness withing me and see the light through it. I just want tet go of the walls that i put up. But I get hurt. I feel like my best is not enough. I feel like my demons are simply too much for people to handle and I am always left alone with them. I am trying to help people fight thair demons but when it comes to fighting mine i am alone. I know that there are people who offered me to help me but how it usually ends is that I have to protect those people from my darkness. I am tired of holding on and hanging in there. Sometimes I just want let let go. To be someone elses responsibility. But I am hanging in there. And I try to still love my mum after even after giving me many reasons not to. i try to not get hurt. i try to be fair and loving and good to people. But i am exhausted.
