Ghosts of my past that still ruin my life

Hello all, I have spoke on here before about my past but I will recap for those who do not know. I was physically, sexually and mentally abused from a young age from family/close family friends. This led me to gangs, drugs and violence, it also led to me being stabbed at the age of 13.
What I did not include was throughout my life I have had three close to successful suicide attempts, I was institutionalised at the age of 15 for a period of months. I thought I had got past this phase of my life but it appears I haven’t.
After a hard week of being torn down by friends and abandoned I sat by myself with razors and pills, screaming, crying, just wanted to end it all. I drowned myself in vodka and started to slit when a family member entered my home. If they had not entered I truly believe I would be dead. I don’t know what to do or how to carry on. My PTSD has been worse than ever, no sleep and when I do I wake up sweating and screaming. I don’t know what to do or how to stop these thoughts.

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@OutOfBreathGamer I’m proud of you for reaching out again about this. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way but I need you to remember that YOU AREN’T ALONE. They aren’t your real friends if they’re just pulling you down - you are stronger than this. You don’t need the alcohol, you don’t need the pills. I had an incident yesterday with my addiction where I got hold of pills and hid them in my room. It wasn’t until I reached out and the person I reached out too convinced me it’s not worth it. Things will get better - you just have to keep pushing through. Believe me I know it’s hard, it’s the worst thing. Keep reaching out in the discord,on the wall and look into getting a copy of ReWrite. You CAN beat this. You’re stronger than you think.

Hold Fast
Kayla

Hey @OutOfBreathGamer,

I’m so sorry to hear about what happened in your past and what continues to haunt you in your present. Please remember that it is NOT your fault, regarding what your “friends” did to you at a young age. I put “friends” in quotation marks because I feel like if they were true friends then they wouldn’t do that to you. I promise you that it WILL get better - you just need to stay strong and push through this extremely dark season. Please keep reaching out to people, and perhaps consider professional help. There is NO shame in doing so. In fact, I also do it. You’re valuable.

-Eric

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Thanks for your words, I have a copy of ReWrite, it seems to help on the better but barely makes a dent on the harder days

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Thank you for this, I do have professional help but I find it hard to listen to someone who just learnt about what I’ve been through and doesn’t know about any of it for sure

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@OutOfBreathGamer

Friend I may not have PTSD but I still have skeletons I have creep up on me. I know it sounds strange but have you tried meditation?

It sounds as if this part of your life has left a permanent impact on it. It’s like banging a piece of wood against something and leaving a mark on it. I know it’s seems impossible to forget the effect it has left on you but the truth of the matter is that isn’t the end all be all. Trust in those who you talk to such as us as a community. Remember we build each other up and never let anyone fall to the wayside.

I’d also try anti-anxiety breath control. This I think is something that would greatly help/reduce the impact your PTSD has on you and also quell this tough season for you.

You aren’t alone friend and I to have also been through many things like you have been through.

Hold fast and Stay strong friend,
PMacDanceDude (Patrick) Team Out of the Ashes

Thank you for your words, I can’t reall do medication because of past substance abuse