Girlfiend Surprise!

Hello Everyone, I just joined this site hoping to get some help with a problem that just appeared last night. I’ve been talking, and falling in love with, to a girl from England for the past four months. We’ve shared very personal secrets with each other in the last four months and we talk on Skype every night for hours on end. When I first met her online I was extremely depressed, but gradually after talking with her so much, I began to feel better., even though we were both were extremely lonely. I knew she had been married once before for a very long time and the marriage ended after she found out that her husband had been cheating on her for quite some time. Early on, after I felt myself falling in love with this girl, I had even commented to her on how much I would like to marry her, but she sort of implied that she would never get married again. Last night, while we were on Skype, somehow our conversation drifted back to her ex-husband and I innocently asked her who it was that had filed for divorce and she said neither!! When I asked her if what she was saying was that she was still legally married to this guy, she said yes!! I was floored, absolutely shocked!! I told her that I needed to hang up the call and think about things. All kinds of different thoughts were going through my head, one of which was what else hasn’t she told me yet, and if it was important enough for her to get a marriage license then why wasn’t it as important to get a final divorce decree? I would have thought that subject would have been something she should have told me when we first started talking because to me it’s important, but last night she couldn’t understand why it was so important to me because she doesn’t love this guy any longer. Please if anyone can give me some guidance or advice I would be greatly appreciative. Thank you for your time.

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Hi friend, thanks for reaching out.

Looks like you broke the golden rule…never ask or talk about ex(s).

Jokes apart, the situation is a tough one and I’d be extremely careful when choosing words and stuff. I know you’re in love with the girl but don’t let this make you do dumb stuff. I’d avoid calling her for a few days (like 2-3 days), then hit her up with something light (“hey” it’s fine) without mentioning the last conversation (unless she does).

Also remember that marriage is an extremely delicate topic. Marrying someone doesn’t only mean loving them, it also comes with a lot of responsibilities. Think about this wisely and build up the relationship one step at a time.

Something still doesn’t feel right to me about the situation but don’t overthink. I’m happy you found someone, but be careful.

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Hi, I didn’t think anyone would reply to my post but I’m grateful you did!! Everything you said in your reply was right and I need to think some more before making that call to her. Can’t thank you enough for taking the time to reply. Keep well my friend!

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I agree if she’s talking about someone other than herself (unless it is her kid) especially if it is an ex then it is a bad idea to get involved with the person. This is a red flag meaning that she’s not over him (whether it is a negative talk or not) and you’d most likely end up just being a rebound.

Best to tread slowly and try to be friends until she made an actual decision about her stasis with her lover.

Thank you for trusting us. Hit me up whenever you feel like

I hope you will accept my sincere apology for not thanking you for your message long before now. What you said in your message is very much appreciated and you’ve given me some more things to think about. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to reply. Peace