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To start off, we have known each other for almost 6 years and have been in a committed relationship for almost 4 years. We have had a lot of really amazing times together. Her and I are inseparable, we know each other so well it’s almost scary. The downfall is her sex drive, I would say for the last 2 and a half years our sex life has taken a dive drastically. We have talked about it before many times and it’s 9/10 me bringing it up. I wouldn’t say I’m a sex maniac or anything but I’d like to have sex at the very least once a week. Most of the times these conversations turn into fights, and her answer to this, to me seems very typical. “That’s all you ever care about”, which is an easy cop out and earns her no explanation other than, “ I just don’t think about it” or “ it’s not important to me”
I’ve approached this issue several times in many different ways, but my most recent attempt was different. I actually did a TON of research on this topic as it is very common in relationships. Boiling down to how we as men and women are wired and that if we understand each other’s needs we can both make it a point to do what makes the other person happy because ultimately that’s my favorite part about being in a relationship. I love her with all of my heart, but we just recently went almost 5 months with no sex, not even anything close. And that is when I realized that we had a serious problem. I approached her with this topic, this time doing my homework and making it a point not to attack her in any way, but rather explain what some of my needs are in a relationship. It started off rough, but when she actually listened to what I had to say, she was very proud of the way I approached her with it and I was too. But nothing has changed, and we still don’t have sex at all. But we are happy? We just seem more like best friends than lovers.
Now onto the dirty of it, a week ago I texted a co worker for the schedule because I was on vacation and didn’t have access to it when I got back so I texted a girl I work with as anyone would normally do, but what came next was 100% in appropriate conversation. I was definitely flirting with her and I was not right at all for doing it, and I want whoever is reading to understand that this is in no way an excuse, but rather an explanation of why I did what I did.
We all need attention in life, all different types. Most of the time women get theirs from an intellectual standpoint, receiving compliments or posting cute selfies on Instagram or Snapchat, or maybe even the casual work interaction flirt which in most cases will happen and she has been open with them.
When this happened, she found the messages in my phone and I had nothing to say. I was completely in the wrong for this.
She stated that if you really loved me or gave a shit about me you wouldn’t have done this.
And that is a total valid statement and she has every right to think that but I on the other hand don’t agree with it.
She is a wonderful girl, kind, sweet, funny and beautiful…but thinks going almost half a year without sex is okay and even after having tons of conversations about this, still doesn’t Change anything.
I know that I love her, I care for her and I would do anything for her, but unfortunately I was seeking attention the worst possible way.
Is this true?
Because I was flirting with another girl, does this mean that I don’t actually love her or care for her?
And just FYI, I feel like complete shit about this obviously. So I’d appreciate it if your response focuses on the question here. I know I’m an asshole and what I did was not okay. I need some honest feedback here guys. I just hurt my best friend and this isn’t easy for me to do…so in your opinion, do I actually love her?