Girlfriend of 2.5 years dumped me

Title says it all. She was having doubts about her future, what she wanted to do with her life. She was upset that she didn’t have friends, didn’t go out clubbing, doing things. (She’s 22.)
I was as supportive as I could be, but she’d been withdrawing from me. I should have seen it coming. I woke up to a fucking Discord message from her, saying that I was indeed holding her back from getting a PhD, that to get married one of us was going to have to move to a different country (she’s British, I’m American) but it was too tough to do this.

It’s been about a week now. I didn’t respond to her. I’m used to spending just about every waking moment in contact with her, it’s how our relationship worked when we weren’t physically together. I’ve been so fucking lost, I now have tons of spare time and the one person I wanted to spend that time with no longer is around. I’m just hurt and confused. 2 hours before she sent me the “Dear John” letter, she sent me “I love you!” and then bam.

I guess nothing matters now. I bought an engagement ring and the family was giving me the money to have an immigration lawyer on retainer so it could happen. Now all I have is pain and emptiness. I put on a smile, I fake it until I make it, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Did she not trust me? Did she think I was too stupid to pass a Citizens test? Too lazy to get a job in another country to support her? Did she just not have enough respect to break up with me over voice/video? Just a discord DM. A fucking email is all our 2.5 years together was worth?
Sorry for the ramble, I need this off my chest before it crushes me.

Heartbreak sucks, there’s no doubt about it dude. Put it this way, you’re still young and you have so much ahead of you, and although right now this experience is painful, after a while you will feel strong enough to open up again to someone. It seems hard right now but the time will come. It really isn’t about you or any deficiency on your part… long distance relationships are hard at the best of times and it’s unfortunate but not all of them make it. You deserved to be treated with a little more respect though in the way she handled it and you need to let her know that.
Chin up bud.

Heartbreak sucks. Getting broken up with via text platform is cowardly. That was her not wanting to hear you ask why, not wanting to hear the pain in your voice, not wanting to hear you cry when you had nothing else left to say, and that was the easy way out.

It’s understandable that she doesn’t want to settle down when she feels like she hasn’t lived. 22 is really young in the grand scheme of life, even if it doesn’t feel like it because you’re living it. She did what she felt she had to do, and unfortunately you are the casualty. If you had gone through and married her before she’d gotten to do the things she wanted to, she’d have low-key resented you for it, and that would have reared its ugly head over time. But that doesn’t make it easy, it doesn’t make it suck less. The least she could have done was call and speak the words to you, but that’s a testament to her real character.

Just because she broke up with you doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. I know that adds insult to injury–I mean, why would she dump you if she loved you–but love and monogamy are not the same thing. I’ve been there. I’ve had my heart broken by girls who said they loved me. I thought they were selfish and callous, but I never thought they hated me or were indifferent or saw me as a plaything. And with a whole lot of hindsight, I’ve found that eventually it worked out for the best for everyone, and that I’d dodged a few bullets.

This isn’t the advice you want to hear now though. So remember, it’s okay not to be okay. You’ve suffered a loss, like someone dying, only without the finality or the tied up loose ends. It’s okay to hurt, mourn, grieve, miss her, hate her (for a little bit), and take as long as you need to get over her. Take this time to practice self care, and do things that make you better. We’re here to listen and encourage you.

Give this a listen, and read all the words.

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