Giving it all, but no one sees

First, I’m grateful to be able to speak on a platform where we all can help each other. And I think I might need help on a topic that sort of torn me apart lately.

I’m 19, I live in France and right now my life is a complete mess. Lately I have these thoughts in my head that tell me that my whole life, I have been a slave to people’s decisions regarding my own living.

When I was 4, my dad left me and my mom. He vanished and was never there even to call me or my mom on our birthdays. From the age of 4 to 15, I had decided to live with a sort of hatred towards him. I couldn’t accept that suddenly, when I was 15, he could rejoin me and my life as if nothing happened before. I dealt with this pain and kept inside of me for so long and there was no one I could talk because I couldn’t just tell all of this to my mother while I was the only man in the house and that she needed me to help her though a lot.

Before my 16´s anniversary, some family members conviced me to speak with my dad, as he had a cancer growing insidd of him, and see if a new relationship between us could rise. We spoke and promised to the other that from now on we would be there for the other. Unfortunately, he died few weeks later.

I promised myself to be a better man than he was, and I am conviced that he was a good man. I told myself to always look for the ones I love and to always be there for them in times of need.

And it’s what I did, whether it was with my family or my friends I became someone always ready to help when I can. But some of my relationship tarnished that will to help. Some people I dated, I think, took advantage of my kindness and my heart as some cheated on me or completely disrespected me.

As my relationships ended and new ones started, I started to think that maybe hapiness is not made for me. Maybe I’m supposed to live in despair and forever. I needed time to stop and think about how I needed to handle my life, but many friends or even family members never understood it. They turned their backs on me, spitting on every actions that I had done to help them when I could, and not considering my ache as real since I was the happy guy always in a good mood.

And it came again « maybe I don’t deserve any happiness ». I’m sick of seeing people leaving when I’m unhappy. They can’t see what my worth is. THIS is really what breaks me down.

No one sees that I give all that I have to people, but now I feel a bit tired and like a void, because there’s no one to help like I did for others.

There only so much you can do for people sometime. We could all said we should done or that, but again you cant fix everyone problems. Thier no such thing as a perfect human, everyone have their own personal feeling they have to attain too. Its very great to compassive and caring towards others and that make this world a better place to live in. I dealing with same issue as my brother that married a women that kinda abuse my newphew and seperate my parent from their grandson. I know it would make me a better person to forgive, but however sometime you cant forgive people. I have also been push around by other people and been used and abuse. It get very old really fast, which make more bitter person which sucks. You cant get rid of your feelings, but you dont have to punish yourself for it. You can only do the best for other and it okay to take care of yourself. My mom is in the same situation becuase her family uses her nonstop and she just become a myrtar and it hurtfull to see. You are a good man and try not be down on yourself.

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Wow thank you. It feels good to be understood by someone

I felt the same way as you. New bounds, broken bridges, secret in control. Practically like bratty kids and yes, I get where your at. Trying to find a soulmate no matter who. In online or in real life. It’s the same thing as logical would explain. I remembered, I was fooled. That’s when I started to have achin’ for a long time and decide to be a loner…I felt more better till finding another girl…But, it felt to be something else…But, wanted my kindness… I decided to stop the connection and…It felt so better but, still ached no matter what. When I went on a game once, this one girl wanted me back. It was too late for her. I had my heart broken. So, I stopped and just surfed around to just explore, nothing more.

However, it is hard to overpass the ache from your past. I suggest to try moving on.

First and foremost, you see your worth. You see how much you’re worth and at the end of the day no matter what your family or anyone says no one can take that away from you. It takes so much strength to see wrong examples in your life and use them to fuel the good in you. I’m also 19 and i know this can be such an unsure part of our lifes. I’ve also dealt with people taking advantage of my kindness, sometimes you can help but want to love people despite the hurt they bring you. You could drop everything for someone and have them never do the same for you. Its a sucky feeling I know. Don’t let that make you lose the kindness you have though. It’s so easy to let all the negativity get to you, you can feel alone, wonder why no one seems to have compassion. Know that the compassion you have to help others is an amazing thing you should hold onto. You seem like such a humble human with a past that does not define you, as much as you think it might. You’re not alone in this struggle friend. My heart aches knowing the pains you must’ve gone through.