I feel like I’m insane.
I keep convincing myself that the worst-case scenario when it’s coming to physical health is the most likely one. Right now I’ve convinced myself I’m having a heart attack when I’m young, I eat healthily, AND I run on a cross country team. It is HIGHLY improbable that I’m having a heart attack but because my chest is hurting and it’s radiating into my arm (which I have half a mind to blame on acid reflux), I’ve convinced myself I’m having a heart attack
That isn’t the only thing either. A while ago I convinced myself I had diabetes, then I convinced myself I had intestinal cancer, then pancreatitis, then slipping rib syndrome. It never stops. I just keep convincing myself there’s really something wrong. I’m seeing a doctor next week, but I’m so tired of being in pain and telling myself that I’m dying. It’s an endless cycle of torment. I have somatic symptoms from my anxiety, and my anxiety tells me I’m dying when I feel that pain. It just doesn’t end and I want it to stop, but even if I saw my doctor, who saved my life just a few years ago, I feel like he’d miss something.
I sound so god damn insane. I look up my symptoms all the time even though I know I won’t find anything new. I just need to see a doctor and get treatment and then I’ll finally be able to rest a bit for the first time in a month.