I hate this. I hate it all. I have tried so hard, but I’m on the edge of just giving up. Not only recovery, just life in general. It’s getting too much and I can’t handle it. All I do is make things worse for other and making it harder for myself to breathe. The room is getting smaller, the oxygen is getting less and there is no way of getting out. That’s the only way I can describe my house and my school. People are mean, every single one of them is mean. And I can’t handle it anymore.
I’m so exhausted of being stronger than I feel. I’m trying the best I can, but it’s never good enough.
I have trouble writing this, I don’t really know what to say. I want it to end. The pain, the tiredness, the crying, just everything. I do still have happy moment, but they don’t last long. I’ll be happy for a split second before reality hits me in the face and rips my heart out again.
Why does everything have to hurt so much? Why can’t people just be a bit nicer to me? I know you all say that I don’t deserve the way I get treated, but after such a long time of things like this happening, I start to believe that I do deserve it.
All I wanna do is just lay in bed all day, isolating myself from everything that is happening in the outside world so no one can hurt me. But most of all, so I can’t hurt anybody with my presence.
I know this doesn’t make any sense, I just needed to get it out.
I’m sorry for bothering you. But thank you if you made it all the way through this post.