I’m feeling overwhelmed. I recently graduated from uni and I’m supposed to be happy about it but what I’m just getting is stress. At first I was really sad because I really enjoyed uni and I, didn’t know what to do next. My family and I had a holiday together and it wasn’t entirely the best because of my state of mind, but looking back it was kind of a fun way to end 2022. I’m not really on super good terms with my dad. We’re superfically okay as we normally are, but I have a bit of resentment…
I’m mostly angry because he’s letting one of my cousins move in with us even though we can’t have another person live with us, and we don’t really know/trust the guy. I just don’t feel 100% okay and safe with it. I’m really unhappy with the decision and so is my mom, but I just learned today that it’s going to happen.I just don’t have the best relationship with my dad, and my sister who makes snarky comments. It’s hard to talk to them about it too, because they just have to have it their way. There’s no way of communicating healthily to them because for my entire life, everything they say goes. It’s so exhausting living in this household. I feel like I’m only really close to my mom and brother.
I decided to pursue postgraduate studies because I really enjoyed uni, but it was a hard decision and I’m not 100% sure if I even want to do it because of these external issues with my family and mental health. I think despite last year being possibly the best year of my entire life, it finished horribly. I found it hard to find jobs too, and I’m struggling financially. Which is another reason why I’m doing postgrad study. Hopefully I can get a job as a tutor. My professors really think I’d be a good tutor so I just really wish I get that job. Being rejected for all the jobs I’ve applied for also really upset me.
Honestly, the only thing that’s keeping me going is the possibility that things may get better for me. I made a new friend last year who I’m really grateful for, and I just want to stay alive to hopefully meet him in the future. I’m also incredibly honored that he entrusts me with private stuff about himself. I never thought I’d have people I can trust again, but unfortunately he lives very far away. I don’t know if my suicidal thoughts are coming back tbh. I just don’t know. I’m so tired mentally and emotionally and I don’t feel safe anywhere except for my room. I haven’t had the motivation to draw or paint, and I’m trying so hard to finish my book but I can’t focus. I just feel like there’s no escape. Just when I think I’m happy and that life is going well for me, another struggle comes up. It’s too much.
Hi Misty,
thank you so much for sharing and reaching out to us.
you have all the rights to feel overwhelmed, for what you are going through right now. this is a lot.
when it comes to family, it is always hard. to talk to them, interact with them, come to terms with them. setting
boundaries for yourself towards them is often necessary for ourselves, to protect us. but also hard because it is
family. you are close to your mom and your brother, what is good. to accept the decisions they make can make you
feel unheard, or overseen i would imagine.
despite all that you made it through uni, what is very good, i am proud of you, your family i think also.
with applying for jobs, just give it time. the right one will come, don’t pressure yourself. there is a job for you, i am
sure about that. to keep your motivation up is really difficult i would imagine, i can relate to that a lot.
a walk outside can do wonders. for even a few minutes some fresh air is always good.
take one step a time. remember that you also just need to be aware of that. life often throws obstacles in our
way even though we already have enough. you will overcome that all too, you are doing so good so far.
you are loved and you matter most ! you are to be held, and not to be missed.
feel hugged
you’ve got a lot on your plate lately by the looks. I’m not sure what student accomodation looks like or if they provide it for postgrads. Where I live accomodation is limited and sometimes can be expensive. Most people opt for house sharing tbh. it does sound like something you’ve been really passionate about and I hope that even if you need a break that you don’t lose your passion.
do you think your dad would be willing to sit and listen to you and your mother? It sounds like you both share similar concerns, but maybe he’s used to making decisions and thinking he’s doing the best for you all/ the family.
I do hope that you have a moment to have some self care and give your body and mind some rest.
It sounds like life is a bit of a rollercoaster for you right now. Have you ever made a pro-con list? Maybe try making one for your options to help you visualize your different paths. Honestly it sounds like you need to give yourself a bit of time off before going to postgraduate studies especially if you aren’t sure you want to pursue it. Since you loved school so much there are other ways to remain in that environment without being a student. You could try getting a job on campus as a tutor or another job.
If you do go back to school: does your school have dorms with live in advisors or anything. In the US we have Resident Advisors that live in the dorms and have their room and board covered plus a little money in order to be there to help the younger students with living on their own. If that is a thing it may be a way to get away from the home life you are not feeling very comfortable with.
Most importantly, this online friend of yours. Do you feel you can share with him as well and maybe get some advice from someone who knows you and whom you trust? If so then I suggest talking to him about these things and seeing if he has any thoughts.
I hope you can find your path and that your 2023 is wonderful! Good luck and I hope to read a post from you soon
Hey Friend, thank you for your post, I am so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed and I can certainly see why that would be, it sounds like you are going through so much right now, finishing up Uni, the cousin moving in, not having a good relationship with your dad, and trying to work out what your future is going to look like, thats enough to over whelm anyone. So what to do about it?? Some things you can change and some things you cant, you cannot do anything about the cousin unless you can find a time that your dad will talk nicely aboutit so lets try to concentrate on what you can do and that is deciding on your future and for that you need a clear mind and a clear mind needs rest so for now take a little time to rest you mind and body just a little and then you will be able to think more clearly about what you really want to do. It will all be so much easier when you are not feeling like you are carrying a ton of bricks around. We are always here for you too. please take care of yourself. Much Love Lisa x
Student accommodation is really expensive and out of the picture for this year, unfortunately. I’m just really struggling financially so it’s hard to get out of my situation. Even if I did I’ll probably end up back living at home with my family. It’s normal for our culture, and many of my friends are still living with their families especially since we share being migrants and have a mutual experience of the difficulties of really getting your life started in a different country.
I think my dad has already made his decision and we could be expecting the person to arrive in March. I just have to work my way around it, which is frustrating, but I’ll put a lot of my efforts and commitments onto uni.
eloquentpetrichor
I think postgrad seemed like the best bet for me right now and I’ve gone over pros and cons with a careers advisor. I’m lucky that I have really supportive lecturers who think I’ll do really well, and hopefully I get hired as a tutor. They are likely to hire you as a tutor if you are a postgrad student and I am really wanting that job, I think I’ll enjoy it and it has many benefits (such as being on campus and doing some study in my downtime).
We do have dorms, it’s just I don’t think I’m eligible for them unfortunately. I do wish I got to experience it at least once in my undergrad life, I know a couple of people who had scholarships to say in a year for free in a dorm and it seemed really good overall.
My online friend… has had something really big come up and I’m super proud of him! I’m giving him some space though and I feel like this isn’t the time to overwhelm him with everything that’s going on. It sucks, I think all my friends are going through something right now.
I really appreciate your response!
Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Lisa, thank you for your reply! I think the only thing I can really do is accept things and focus on myself, especially with a big and busy year coming up. I can’t wait for uni to start because I feel like I really belong there and I feel extremely productive. It will be difficult and stressful, but you are right about needing a clear mind and rest. I’m going to focus on doing that until uni starts!
you are to be held, and not to be missed.