So i’ve had kinda a weird couple months. My family has lived in the same house my entire life, and i knew that my parents were wanting to move at some point but I didn’t think it would happen so suddenly. I just graduated high school last year and i only turned 18 over the summer. Now, my dad had been applying for diffrient job positions with the company Hes in for years, but none of them had ever worked out, then suddenly my dad came in while i was at work one day and told me that he got the latest job he applied for, and that his first day was the start of the next month, witch with when i found out gave me only about 2 weeks to try to process everything and try to help them pack, figure out my living situation, try to get time off to help them move 4 states away with not a lot of notice. I was struggling a bit more than normal before that but i’ve been having a really rough time since then. At the start of October i was 43 days self harm clean, but by November first i had relapsed 3 times, almost completely lost my appetite again, and there was a point that i genuinely didn’t know that i’d make it through october. I really want to get better, i’m trying i really am but it just kinda seems like when i’m doing okay the people around me aren’t or that im just doomed to be like this forever and won’t get better.
Through everything though ive had a really close friend helping me, or at least trying. He was my main support with everything that was and is happening. and i’ve talked about this with him to, but i think im scared to get better in a way, like i want to i really do, but ive been like this for so long that i guess im scared that i won’t like who i am when i get better, or that my friends wont like me anymore and ill be alone again. if that makes sense? i don’t know. i just feel kinda lost, i want to get better but i don’t know where to start. i want to find healthier coping skills but i havent been able to find any that work or make the sh urges better. i’m tired of constantly fighting with by brain just to try to convince myself that people actually care about me, that i’m not just a burden and people don’t just lie when they say they enjoy my company. i don’t know what to do right now.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi Luca, welcome back. 43 days sh free is awesome! You haven’t lost this progress. One thing that helps me with urges is a coping skill call Urge Surfing. You can look it up and read about it. It helps you ride out the urge until it fades. With your parents moving. Are you not invited to go with them? Do you want to? Could you find a new job there? I hope everything works out! ~Mystrose
Hi Luca,
thank you a lot for sharing your worries with us.
be proud of yourself, for seeing and be aware of all this changes in your life recently. that is a lot to deal
with right now.
be proud of yourself for being 43 days clean of self harm. that is amazing. just because you relapsed does
not mean that you lost it all, you will do that again, and you will be better then.
be proud of yourself for becoming better, want to be better. this is life, we progress forward that something
we all have to deal with.
i can relate with being afraid of being a better version of yourself, but be aware that your friends, your real
friends will notice that you are going into the right direction, that you will be a happier person. they care
about you, they will love to see you progress, proceed forward.
finding coping skill can be tough, so maybe you could consider a therapy or self help group maybe ?
there you can learn how to go through that situations and deal better with all of that, it helped me and i
think also a lot of people out there.
you matter my friend, you are loved and worth it. feel hugged and
Greetings
Hey friendo. I’m so sorry you relapsed on your SH…I think you may have slipped up because of your feeling of being out of control. I believe in you that you can stay away from it going forward though, since you’ve already done a great job previously for those 43 days! Every day it’ll get a little bit easier.
As for your uprooting all of a sudden, wow! what a heap of changes all at once to deal with! You’re going to do a lot of growing and learning right now and for the next little while. Some of which, you’re probably not ready for or want to deal with right now. Welcome to being an “adult”. It won’t all feel like this though, this is just a little bump in the grand scheme of things and you will probably have a whole bunch of positive things come out of it. Who knows what new adventures are headed your way now. Getting your own place, learning to sustain yourself with out your parents close by. It seems like it sucks, but I promise you’ll feel better when you realize how capable and strong and awesome you are.
I’m glad you’ve come here to post, this is also a coping mechanism you can use instead of harming yourself. You don’t have to believe the lies your brain is telling you about being a burden or that people don’t care about or enjoy being around you. I know that’s way easier said than done, but you can’t control what other people think…so you just have to believe in yourself, and others will reap the benefits of you feeling better. 
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, Goodness you have been through a lot in a very short space of time havent you? Can I first say how fabulous 43 days free of self harm is and please never discount that and its not over, just keep going, I am so proud of what you have achieved. Change is never easy, I myself do not deal well with change and you have had a great big pile dumped in your lap and your panicked, scared, anxious, a bit lost and probably hoping that someone is going to come along and fix it for you but of course people can only support, encourage and advise you. Its a tough time but I need you to take this one bit at a time and start with a deep breath, write things down, plan things and if you find things are getting overwhelming you can come here and let it all out or if you have a therapist, or your friend talk to them or you could try journalling your way through it. Dont keep it all in as that will lead back to the sh and that helps no one esp you. I know its hard friend but you have got this, you have heart, strength and love in you and with that you can do anything you choose to. lean on people and take your time. Much Love Lisa. x
From: Mamadien
Luca, it sounds like a lot of change in a short time my friend. And change can be very hard to deal with. May I ask where you are now living? Have you been able to work that out? I’m glad you have a close friend who is helping you through this new change in your life. I also want to tell you that I am proud of you for going 43 days sh free and that is progress that you have not lost. You know you can do this with some time and self care. Again, you are going through a lot of change in your life right now and that is bound to impact how you deal with your mental health. Do you have a counselor or therapist that you see? If so, please continue seeing them. If not, please consider finding one to help you through this transition time. You are worth getting better and being healthier my friend. You are important, you have value in this world and you deserve to be healthy and happy. Please know that anyone who wouldn’t like you if you were healthy is not someone you should be close to now. People who will cheer you on and help you succeed and become the best version of you are the friends you want. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. You are loved here.