we were the happiest for 2.5 years.
we were talking about marriage, future, kids.
and everything was perfect. soulmates.
she moved to a different city for a job and the plan was that I will follow here as soon as I find the job there too. 3 weeks after she moved she came to visit me and said she wanted to break up.
i am devastated.
nothing of what has happened makes sense. it’s been almost a month and the grief of losing a loved one still tackles me when I expect it the least. I can’t focus on anything. days just go by while I’m trying hard to keep the balance and not fall into a pit of sorrow, anger and depression. it’s basically an emotional hell.
i’ve heard that time heals all wounds, that I’ll get to a better place and I have to surround myself with friends and keep myself busy which I’m trying my best to do but it’s painfully hard…
there are times when i’m almost at peace with realization that someone who doesn’t wanna be around you by definition can’t be „the one”. but when that wave of grief comes again, no logic and no common sense helps. I can sit and ratonalize things all day – it doesn’t help.
and I need help.
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Hello friend. I understand how painful it can be when you lost a love one, but you can always moved from it and health your wounds. Think about it this way, she might be confused and wants some time for her or she might have found another person, she can come back in the future or she might not return at all. Either way you should take this time to try and get you head in a safer place, surround yourself with friends and try to keep a positive mind and stop thinking about her, in the end if you succeed and do things right you won’t have to suffer and you’ll be perfectly fine, specially if she returns and wants another chance at your side… be strong my friend and never give up, if she never returns it means she wasn’t for you and they might be a better person for you, I know it can be painful but believe, if there is someone else waiting for you, it will make the wait and the pain worthy.
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I will never forget Her last words to me in our committed relationship, the night before she drove off to Boston to retrieve more of her things. She gave me a kiss and said “I’ll see you next weekend. I promise.” A week turned into 2, and halfway through the second week she texted me to say she wanted to break up. I tried to call her, but she wouldn’t answer. She said she didn’t want to hear my pain. That day I went to my therapist and spent an hour and a hundred dollars staring at my knees asking what am I going to do? That night, my mom drove out in the pouring rain to bring me Raising Cane’s at my house 30 minutes away. A month later, She told me her old boyfriend was moving down and they were getting a place together.
That was 5 years and 2 serious relationships ago. I’m married now to the perfect woman for me. But She was like a drug. She brought me out of myself, refused to settle for less than a good time, and made me feel alive in a way I had never before or since felt. I realized last week that it no longer hurt to think about Her, to scroll by her Facebook posts, but it took a toll and I came away scarred.
I knew it was nothing I did. I treated Her so well. I knew it was Her, but I didn’t know why it was happening to me, after I had been nothing but the perfect boyfriend.
Time heals all wounds, but it takes longer to heal the more serious ones. I know now that She put the toxic in intoxicating, that I had become codependent on Her. But that doesn’t mean if She showed up in that short mint green dress I loved so much that I wouldn’t have a serious visceral reaction.
You are right, you deserve better than someone who wants to throw you away so quickly. But why? It’s not fair. I feel your pain brother, and I’m sorry. Meanwhile, feel your sadness and grieve properly, but also take this time to focus on yourself and doing things you want to do. I’m praying for you. This hits too close to home.
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Ive gone through some break ups. Last year I finally went through a divorce from a relationship of 14 years. It’s hard losing people that we loved and cared for. It’s hard feeling your’e disposable and not worth fighting for. BEEN THERE. It sucks. But, it CAN get better. I know in the moment it doesn’t feel like it. It may even feel like you’ll never love again. There was a point where I felt that way. Hands down.
Time DOES heal. But its different for everyone. Everyone takes different amounts of time to find that healing. And different things help different people get to that point. Be gentle with yourself and do what you need to find comfort.
There are a lot of people here who can relate, so you’re always welcome to talk here. You’re welcome in the discord. There is almost always people there who respond when people reach out. You don’t have to fight these things alone.
Sending you so much love.
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