Got myself into trouble and now I think I'm on my own

[Amaris]

Backstory before we get into this-

I’m the disrespectful child now because I said no to going to church. I don’t want to, its not something I want to participate in. And I don’t hate Christians or anything, I just don’t want to go.

Had three different people scream into my ear canals today and I pretty much set myself up for a more damaged family relationship.

It hurt A LOT
I had to do so much squeezing into myself to not collaspe and stand firm.

My younger brother seems to think I’m brave because earlier he told me he felt like he was too weak to think for himself. I damaged every other relationship but somehow I rebuilt the one I had with him.

And honestly, as long as I have him on my side, I’ll be okay. He smiles at me and gives me thumbs up occasionally today.

I don’t hate anyone, I don’t hate my mom, or my dad, or my grandmother on my dad’s side.

I just thought maybe I should speak my truth more. I just don’t like pretending. Now that I’m more confident in myself, I’m finding myself wanting to break free from stuff.

I never got to say no growing up and it was painful, now I want to say it all the time even at the expense of my relationship with my parents.

NOW that I’ve rocked the boat, well actually I sunk it

I need to figure out how to fend for myself because now I know they won’t be so kind to be. I’ve been looking up simple jobs I could for someone like me who has no experience. I’m gonna learn how to cook and manage money on my own.

And I really need advice as soon as possible. I’m gonna be 18 in 2 and a half months.

I really want to be free, I’ve somehow kicked myself into this situation like it was destined to happen. At some point I was gonna get tired of just complying and taking things. And I hope I’m not in the wrong for this.

My main thing is learning how to work and get a job. I’m socially awkward with no work experience and very little skill so I need someone to tell me what to do with that.

[Sapphire]

@Amaris

My main thing is learning how to work and get a job. I’m socially awkward with no work experience and very little skill so I need someone to tell me what to do with that.

Hi Amaris,

I’m sorry to hear things have progressed the way they have. If there is a silver lining though, this could be a huge step toward something better for you. I know getting away from my abusers was a big step in getting my health managed.

Here are my suggestions for the job thing.

1. Build a resume. Since you don’t have any work experience, list any volunteer or charity work you have done, as well as extracurricular school activities and accomplishments.

2. Create a LinkedIn account. Use it only for work and be sure to create a new email address specifically for professional stuff like the resume and LinkedIn. Using some form of your name such as janedoe at email.com or jane.doe at email.com works pretty well.

3. Create an Indeed account and shotgun it. With no experience you can’t afford to be picky, especially if you need a job in 2 months. Fortunately most good starting jobs, cashiers for example, have raised their minimum wage. I would advise against food service if you can just for the stress factor, but you may have to in your situation. Also keep in mind that if you are called for an interview, there is already some level of interest in you and they will be aware of your lack of work from your resume. Managers have been through enough trainees so be able to understand that you won’t be perfect on day 1, so go in and be you best self and sell yourself.

4. Consider common interview questions - what is your biggest weakness? This is a good question to answer with a spin, for example : I tend to be stubborn at times but this allows me to commit to a problem until I’ve found a viable solution for it. Something like that. List ways you have helped those around you. Etc.

5. Practice for interviews. Even if you’re just talking to yourself in a mirror, any and all practice will be valuable to you and you will feel more comfortable during the real thing.

[Wings]

Yes, you got yourself screamed at, but you did the right thing. The screaming is from fear and resistance to your changing. Yes, a relationship that no longer works for you is damaged. Trying to conform to your parent’s wishes, in spite of your feelings, will damage you more.

It’s good that you stood firm. Usually when parents get the idea that their child will always stand firm, the screaming subsides.

It’s wonderful that you’ve endured the emotional abuse from your family, and still don’t hate them. They probably don’t know any better than to act the way they do.

Sapphire has given you good advice on job searching. You can also check websites for local businesses, Craigslist, and several other job search sites. Talk to your friends too. Keep your eyes open for help wanted signs.

I think the social awkwardness will diminish as you gain work experience. You could be like me, an introvert, but it becomes manageable.

Keep up posted on your progress. Wings

[Amaris]

Thank you so much!! I’ll work on trying those options out!!

[Micro]

Well done for trying, @Amaris. It’s all about this. Trying, giving yourself a chance, then gaining on experience and confidence progressively. You got this, friend. And all the advice above are wonderful!

We’re all rooting for you.