Stuff wasn’t the best this week really. Still finding it really difficult dealing with the suicide of literally my best friend. It’s still heart-shattering knowing that happened. Still have those days of Suicide like 4 times. I’ve gotten better this week at hiding my emotions. I can now say I’m good when I’m feeling like utter S. Which is better than last week. Honestly, anything could’ve been better than last week. Still self-harming just in less of amounts. Whenever I reply or try to reply to a post about abusive parents it absolutely killed me from inside to the out. The worst insult I had during school 2 weeks ago was “At least I have a family” which killed me. And last Saturday I got to the point of no return I started writing my suicide letter. Then remembering who am I going to give it to. Silly me. Then that night I did try taking my life, I don’t know what stopped me I guess I had a brain for once. Thats rare.
Hey Aces,
I am so sorry that you lost your best friend and that you’re hurting so much. It is such an incredibly painful experience and very understandable that your heart is shattered. Grieving is a process and healing from the loss takes time.
Of course, this is absolutely your choice, but I would highly recommend you to pause replying to posts that are about abusive parents, as it is causing you so much pain.
I am shocked by the cruelty and ignorance of this person who said this to you. This isn’t okay at all. I don’t even know what to say about this. It’s incredibly terrible to behave this way. We are here for you. While it is not the same as a family of origin, it can still replace some of its functions. We hear and care about you. You are always welcome and you are valued for who you are.
Doing less of a harmful behavior is still progress. Behavioral changes are hard and it is always one step at a time. To be frank, considering your situation and all you have to deal with and the pain you’re going through, it is a huge achievement to engage less in self-harming. It is something to be proud of. It is a step in the right direction and even if it is two steps forward and one step back, there is still progress.
Maybe you could consider one thing, however small it may seem, that you do for yourself. It doesn’t have to be fancy or take a whole lot of time. Even if you think it would be meaningless. Just a small present for yourself.
Sending you hugs. I am very glad you’re here and very proud of you that you keep fighting.
Hi Aces. I am so sorry you have to go through such a horrible time. It must be really really devastanting. I cant say that I know how you feel. What I know though is that you are a good person who does not deserve to be suffering like that. You are kind, supportive and honest. I know you are struggling a lot but you are also hanging in there. You are strong. Even though you might not think so there are people that care about you. We care about you. We are here to give you at least some of the love and support you deserve. I know it might not seem like much but its at least something. There is so much going on in your life right now. Much more then a person should have to deal with. No one is ready for that sort of thing. Luck is the best superpower and it might seem like there isnt much on your side lately. However I believe the tides will turn. Right now focus on the small steps, let yourself grief the loss of your best friend. You need time to heal. Is there anyone you can talk to that you trust? A councelor, a teacher or a therapist? I think you should get help so you can heal. Of course we will always be here to support you. Never forget that Aces. I really hope the future will be kinder to you. Hang in there my friend 
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