Hey,
Josh here I’m 38- I may be a little old to be on here seeking prayer and support. However my grandfather passed and we buried him this past Wednesday. He was 81, had a great life , led by example and was a great person. But currently I am in shambles overstruck with grief, depression and anxiety. I am grateful I had him and for his full life and the fact he went peacefully in his sleep. My grandmother passed 8 months prior and they where married for 63 years. I have two jobs and I’m constantly at work without down time and I have a girlfriend who loves me with all of her heart and because I feel I need solitude I am pushing her and the rest of my family away. I feel a day or two of “me” time to gather myself would help me immensely. But I also feel selfish for that. Please share suggestions and advice! I am truly grateful
Hi Josh, thank you for reaching out and sharing this with us today. I think it’s easy to feel like we’re “too old” or “shouldn’t have to” reach out in times of need once we reach a certain age, but everyone deserves love and support at any age, and it’s certainly not selfish to ask for it.
My condolences to you and your family for your grandfather’s passing, he sounds like a great man and he will be dearly missed. I know the grief must be very painful, and unfortunately that is the duality of loving someone; the more you loved them in life, the more you miss them in death. The once happy memories you have of him may be too painful to look back on right now, and that’s okay. The wounds are still fresh, and it will get easier with time. It likely won’t go away entirely, but you’ll have a much better grasp on how to carry these feelings once you’ve given yourself time to heal and process them.
And with that comes a need for alone time, and that too is completely normal in circumstances like these, especially if you have other obligations like your jobs that take more mental energy than you might be able to give right now. It’s difficult to give up your time and energy to so many things when you have so little of it to go around. If you feel that this is causing a divide between you and your girlfriend or other family members, explain to them that you need some time alone to recover from this loss, and I’m sure they’ll understand. You deserve time to let the wounds heal, and the people that love you will still be there when it’s not so overwhelming anymore.
Wishing you all the best,
Katie
Hey Josh,
There is no age limit for support and prayers. This place is for everyone. You belong. 
I’m so very sorry for your losses, friend. Even if we are grateful for the love, inspiration and care some people gave us during their life, grief is still grief, and a loss is still a brutal change in our own world. It sounds that your grandfather was an incredible human being, and it’s so beautiful that he and your grandmother were married for 63 years. What a wonderful testimony of love and commitment.
Through waves of grief, there are times when we need to be alone, and that is okay. These emotions that you feel can be overwhelming. Yet the world keeps turning, the time keeps moving on, which creates some kind of division between our needs and the reality around you. A part of your own time is stuck somewhere, even if you keep running. It makes sense that, now, you need to reunite with this part of yourself that feels left on the side of the road. And solitude is a way to find some healing connection within yourself.
You are not selfish for needing some “me” time. It’s absolutely understandable while grieving, but it would also be okay with different circumstances too. I understand why you second-guess this need though. Sometimes people don’t understand and see a chosen solitude as a way to reject them. But I believe that, as long as love, care and mutual understanding are present, then it can also be totally understood by your loved ones, and especiallyby your girlfriend. Talking to her about what you need, why you need it, but also to reassure her that you’ll be okay, will be important both for you and her. The people who love you will understand and still be there after those couple of days. It is a beautiful act of self-care to say “I need a little break from everything right now. My love doesn’t change. I just need a bit of time to collect myself”.
I wish you to grieve in a healthy, and as much as possible, peaceful way. Take it easy. One day at a time. I’m sending positive thoughts and love your way.
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