I know I need to wait a bit per forum rules. But wanted to at least get my toes wet & get thing started. It about a family member & controlling/toxic behavior. Feel free to engage when it appropriate.
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hi there @Hitthepit67 , great to have you here!
You can share with us whatever you wish! Welcome to HeartSupport!
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Welcome Friend
Lovely to meet you, you are welcome to post whenever you wish, we are here to support you as soon as you feel ready to share your story.
You are loved and valued in this community. 
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Welcome in this community, @Hitthepit67. You are in a safe space to share what’s on your heart at your own pace and you will only be met with love and support here. Thank you for taking the first step of creating an account and making this post. I’m looking forward to hearing from you and how things are going with this family member.
You matter and you are not alone. 
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Welcome @Hitthepit67! glad to see you here.
This is a safe place to be open and vulnerable, and we will return with love and support. I hope that you find this community as loving as we can be. I’m glad you came here, and look forward to hearing more from you and how things are going with you.
You are loved here friend.
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welcome to HS. I’m maneki in discord, and I have shared your story with some wonderful humans here. Do feel free to keep sharing as much as you need when you feel ready to. I think I discussed with you about rainn.org which has some incredible resources. I know others have more experience with CBT and other forms of therapy than I do. I know you expressed interest in hearing about others experiences.
I can imagine it’s been hard seeing your loved one go through all the trauma and then also feel the backlash of them trying to fight through it on their own. You had mentioned that they hadn’t stuck with seeing a professional for a long period. I do hope that they might be open to other ideas some have expressed here. Hope to hear from you soon
Hi Friend,
I’ve seen your chat in the talk it out channel and I read about your daughter. I have BPD and I just finished a 2 month CBT/DBT therapy program and it was a very positive. I learned a lot about myself and I also learned some coping skills. Talk therapy is very helpful as well. BPD isn’t curable, but we can learn how to manage our symptoms better with the right type of therapy.
DBT was actually designed to treat people with BPD, so I think your daughter would benefit greatly from it. I will say that she has to want to get better for it to work. I hope this helped!
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What did it take for you to recognize & accept you a person with BPD?
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I had a very bad record with keeping friends and I ended up loosing someone who I considered a sister. I had already been diagnosed but I didn’t know much about BPD other than we have a fear of abandonment. After I ended our friendship because she was spending time with another friend without me, I realized something wasn’t right and I started to do some research. I learned about my symptoms and after about a year decided to start therapy.
I guess it took loosing something very dear to me to open my eyes. When you have awareness things change. There is a guy on YouTube, Dr. Daniel Fox who is an expert on personality disorders. I would recommend looking at some of his videos that he’s made for loved ones of people with BPD. My boyfriend used his videos to learn about BPD with me and having him right there with me was so helpful and supportive.
It’s very strange how I came about knowing my daughter has BPD. I’ll be as short as possible describing it, a primary care doctors appointment went horribly wrong, she blew up at the doctor, I was there it was uncomfortable to say the least. As my daughter stormed out of the room, the doctor did something I don’t think she should have done but I believe her heart was in the right place, she turned the computer monitor toward me & showed me where another practice relayed her BPD diagnosis, I was very sympathetic toward the doctor & apologized profusely for my daughter’s outburst. Do clinicians keep this diagnosis to themselves or when it is discovered tell the patient? It was the 1st time I had seen or heard of BPD. I looked into a “mental health intervention” for her & they don’t do them. She seems to take very little responsibility for any her role in how her present situation is playing out.
I was not told I had a BPD diagnosis, I saw my file open on my doctor’s desk and peeked. They just put me in an anger management class and I had no idea why, but at the time I was pretty medicated and I wasn’t really present in my own recovery. I had been in a year rehab program for opiates. This was back in 2006 and in the past couple years I have only started to learn about BPD and how to manage my symptoms.
I understand about the uncontrolled anger, I suffer from that too. Little things will set me off and I can get out of control in seconds, but at the same time be mortified at my behavior. It’s very embarrassing and disturbing because I loose control. Sometimes I feel like I’m hovering over myself watching myself destroy my own life without being able to stop. After a blow up I feel like the worst human on the planet and filled with shame, hate myself for it. Since I’ve been in therapy, those blow ups happen less (it still happens) because I’m learning how to recognize how my body feels before I blow up and I’m able to bring myself into the moment and self sooth.
It sounds like you’re in a tough place right now and I’m sorry. Without self awareness, it’s very difficult to accept that we need help. Your daughter might not be in a place to hear or see that she needs help. She might not understand why she feels or acts the way she does. I didn’t understand until I saw my first video about BPD. It led me to do more research and get on the road to recovery. I still have a long way to go, but I’m in a better place right now.
I will share the first video I watched, it’s kind of boring but this guy really explains things well. It blew me away and answered so many questions for me.
Any idea on why the mental health community doesn’t offer “mental health interventions”…they do drug or alcohol addiction interventions?
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