In the past few months I have been struggling a lot, but at the same time I have been taking steps to be better. I’ve taken steps to take my health more seriously. Got my cholesterol checked for the first time in 8 years and for the first time in 14 years I took my head out of the sand to look at the scary monster that was in front of me.
The doctor told me what I actually already knew and additional tests were needed, but even though everything in me told me to stick my head back into the sand, I didn’t do it… I went to the follow up appointment and even to the next step. Heck I even made an appointment with a dietician so that I hopefully can get my health back under control.
Even in my mental health I’m taking more control. I’m taking my meds regularly, I make schedules so that I know what I can expect from the day and I even started to work through some mental health workbooks. I finished ReWrite earlier this year, something I honestly didn’t think would happen, and I haven’t harmed myself in 67 days, which I never thought I would be able to do… Especially not in the days that it was hard… And more than that I started to work on a workbook about Self-Compassion…
A few months ago I wouldn’t have done all of this. A few months ago I would’ve just blamed myself for everything. For the mess that is my life. It’s still a mess, but I’m working on it. And with people around me that don’t tell me “I don’t think you’re gonna change yourself, because you’ve never done it before and seeing is believing”, and then when you eventually make that mistake, “see? I told you so”. Making mistakes is part of the process and I know that I have made plenty and I might make more, but I can’t be a master at something without screwing up…
I’m not saying that I’m “cured” or I won’t respond bad to things at times, but I feel more than ever that I’m on a path to take better care of myself, both physically and mentally. Something I didn’t think was possible… ever…
Sweet friend. I am so very proud of you.
This year has been quite a nightmare so far. Yet you keep growing, shining, and letting your heart exist in such a beautiful way. Sure it’s really messy sometimes and it would be a lie to say that doubts and pain are not crippling. But you are strong. And it’s so important to celebrate all of those steps. <3
Keep taming your fears. Keep doing what is right for you. Keep standing up for the GOOD you deserve - and always deserved. Those steps are a very solid foundation.
You are a blessing to this world. I believe in you. And no matter what, I’ll never stop doing so.
Love you Nyn’. 
Yay!
Seeing this post gave me some more hope…
Oh my friend. This is such a joy to read of your progress in these areas in your life. I feel like you said it best towards the end of your post
“I’m not saying that I’m “cured” or I won’t respond bad to things at times, but I feel more than ever that I’m on a path to take better care of myself, both physically and mentally.”
THAT’S SO HUGE! What and incredible shift in your mindset that will set a new trajectory of healing in your life.
I’m so very proud of you.
-Danjo
hello friend
after a while that i wasn’t really active in here reading your post made me smile from deep of my heart
i’m so happy for you and proud of you