i just woke up from a dream that reminded me of an incident that happened last summer with a person who used to be my friend. When I would visit home, she would only want me to spend time with her,only talk to her, etc. She would get mad when she saw I was visiting other friends and even family. I would have to explain to her that I gotta make time for other people and only hanging out with her wasn’t fair to anyone,especially my family, since I only see them twice a year. It was this situation, and the fact that she was very controlling, manipulative, selfish, and just not a good person that ended our friendship. I felt bad ending our friendship because she didn’t have a clue that what she was doing was wrong, and I feel like I could’ve addressed the situation better,but I honestly did the best that I could. So we basically stopped talking after a fight, then she told me if I didn’t want to be her friend, she understood. I thought we were all good, our friendship ended on good terms and everything was fine, our friendship just didn’t work out. She apparently thought otherwise because she started talking about me in a negative way to people who are good people in my life. In the dream, another girl who I stopped talking to confronted me and told me that what I did was messed up. I shouldn’t have stopped talking to her and that I was a bad person for doing so. When I woke up, I felt awful. I was just trying to do what was best for the both of us. The friendship was clearly toxic and she was having a negative effect on my life, what am I supposed to do? It seems like whenever I push a negative person out of my life, I either have a dream or thought about them that makes me feel awful and it completely ruins me. I don’t want to hurt anyone, that was not my goal when I decided to end our friendship. I don’t think I’m a bad person, but there’s always something that convinces me otherwise. It’s like I can’t do what’s best for me, and when I do, I feel awful about it. I feel like there’s no point in trying to take care of myself because I always end up feeling bad for doing it. So now that I’m visiting my hometown for the holidays, and that’s where her and the other friend who confronted me in the dream lives, I’m afraid that something will happen. Something bad always happens when I visit home, and I feel like I’ll see her and she’ll try to starts an argument with me or something like that. I just want to forget about her. That sounds mean, but I pushed her out of my life for a reason, and I’m doing better now that she’s gone. I still care about her as a person and hope she’s doing well, I just can’t be her friend. I don’t want to confront her, I don’t want to start anything, I just want to visit other friends and family without worrying about facing her, and even that simple wish seems impossible.
You did the right thing. Negativity & Toxicity is contagious. You hang around it then pretty soon you become it. You’re a good person that may feel guilty about doing it. Yet people that talk shit about you behind your back & not to your face aren’t friends. They are leeches. They use you for their own benefit while not adding anything except misery to the relationship. Even if your friendship had been pleasant and they were willing to talk shit about you to others. That isn’t a true friend. That there is a backstabber.
I hope only good things for you now on.
It can be easy to get trapped into the need to see other people’s needs over your own and then feeling bad when you take a stand to protect and help yourself. But from what you said it sounded like you did the right thing. Toxicity in relationships if not healthy for you and it’s amazing that you were able to see that in this relationship.
Don’t let her continue to steal something from your life. You cut her out of your life so to remove negativity, don’t let the memories or the fear of what might happen keep you in that negativity still. Go home and enjoy your family. Should something happen, deal with it in the moment. You can’t really prepare for what you don’t know.
You’re a great person for still caring about her and wishing her well. I have found that when people who I have tried to remove from my life start arguments ect., it works best for me to stay calm (at least externally) and let them know that I still care about them, why I have stopped speaking to them and then to make it clear that if they want to talk things through rationally we can do that at another time.
I hope that it all goes well fro you this holiday season. Remember, she’s not in your life for a reason and she doesn’t have the right to steal your joy this holiday season.
Stay Strong and Happy Holidays.