I quit my job today, I quit people. I have tried to be a good person, to do the right, to keep my composure as a coworker threatens my life and gets away with it. I am about to give up and become a recluse again. There is absolutely no reason for me to keep trying. I want to disappear, not die but disappear, i don’t fucking care if people worry about me when they can’t find me. I didn’t matter when I was around. I only matter if someone needs something from me and I am sick of life. I am sick and tired of societal norms. I will never truly be accepted by those around me. It doesn’t matter what I do I will always be that weird guy. I used to have a stance on humanity and I am slowly sinking back into it. We as humanity do not deserve to exist. The cruel and evil shit we do outweighs the good done in the world.
I’m sorry you had to quit your job because of a coworker, and I’m sorry people made you feel unaccepted because you might be different from societal norms. It’s a terrible feeling to think that no one cares, or you aren’t good enough for them. Even though there isn’t a lot of good in the world, I hope you are able to move on from this and find a job that is a better fit for you, or even some friends who will support you for you. I promise that even though you feel like an outcast, you do deserve to exist, you have a place in this world, and you can bring more good into it.
I would love to believe what you said, but I can’t anymore. I moved to do better for myself. And in 6 months I have quit 2 jobs. The first cooking at an indoor amusement park and finding out they knowing employee pedophiles, after trying to do something about it. I truly learned how sick people are, Then I work for Chili’s. I busted my ass, I am a bit slower at making meals because I cared about the quality of my food. Then I get threatened and bullied, by a piece of shit who I was kind enough to give rides to. I found out today that they valued him way more than me. On top of that someone I had become interested in defended the company, saying they can’t afford to lose him. This man cusses out staff members and yells at management on top of his threats towards me. I don’t know what to do. It has been 2 weeks since the HR investigation ended into the situation and I have tried to work and wait until I find a new job. But I couldn’t every day I worked I was reminded that they chose to keep some who threatened to kill me, I have hated myself my whole life and for once I thought I found a place. I even started to love myself, I don’t see much of a purpose in it anymore though. This will likely be the last topic I make. I know this app helps a lot of people, I’m glad it exists for those people. But most responses I get don’t help me, they are things that have passed through my mind at one point in time. But these things do not help. What use is there in being a good person, my whole life I have been slightly different. I could never play by societies rules because they are broken and flawed. Its dog eat dog, and its because that is how most people are. It is what can I get from you with giving nothing in return. Who can I screw over to get on top. Who can I make feel like shit so I feel better about myself. I have been screwed over so many times that I can’t even count. Because I used to believe none of it mattered because I was doing my best to be kind, to love who isn’t loved, to be kind to everyone even the people who treat me like crap. To do for others who have less than me even though I have near nothing myself. And I have done all this because I truly believed people could rise above it all. But the older I get, the more I realize I was ignorant. I live in a fantasy world, people aren’t good though. I have come to expect too much decency from humanity. Which is delusional.
@Hoderi I’m sorry you are hurting so badly. I want to scoop you up and give you a big hug and say the right things to help you believe that you are worthy of life and love.
I feel so sad when I read what you say, partly because I have felt a similar way in the past myself and it brings a bit of that back and because of the injustice of how a person who is good and kind and thoughtful has been brought to a place where they it no longer makes sense to be so and how tragic that is.
What has happened to you at work is disgusting and should never have happened, no one should ever be allowed to treat another person like that and it be okay and you are right to be upset and hurt by that its totally wrong.
I know you are currently in a place where you may not hear this but you may read this again at a later date so ill say it anyway. Some of the unpleasant people you have come across do not represent the majority of people. I used to think like you do. I didn’t like people at all, I didn’t trust them, I thought everyone was out to hurt me or use me but it simply isn’t the case and that is so hard to see when you come from a place of hurt, fear or upset. There truly are many very good people out there that want what you want and that is a good, honest, respectful and happy life.
I desperately want that for you. Its not ignorant to want better for yourself, it really is what you deserve as a decent human being.
I value you and I guarantee there are many more here that also do so even if this goes unheard today, please take some time and come back to it.
Id love to hear from you again.
Take care for now
I guess there isn’t much to say that you don’t already know, but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for trying to love yourself and trying to be there for others despite the horrible situations you’ve been in. I do believe one day you’ll look back and see all the good that you have done. If Heart support isn’t working out for you, I hope you can find other outlets to take care of yourself, maybe some mood tracker or mental health apps, therapy, or some other method of self care you haven’t tried yet, I really believe that you have what it takes to get through this, just don’t give up on yourself!
Thank you everyone. I am seeing a therapist, I started that last week. It is slowly helping. Seeing the support from you all here does help a bit. Being able to reread everything said’ so again thank you.
I am glad that you are doing better. It is good you started seeing a therapist. I know it takes time but things will slowly get better. I was also in a place where i didnt see a way out but i am doing better now. I hope that you will find a way to be happy again.
I haven’t really had good therapist in the past. When I was younger therapist would just tell me I need to change (to conform), pretty much telling me not to be myself just so I could fit in, and I hated that. My therapist now understands me more. Instead of trying to get me to change like the others had, she is actually helping me with the problems I have known I had for years. I tend to let others use me way too much, and she is helping me learn boundaries. As well as trying to help me with my negative outlook and proper grieving. And I know this is slightly wrong, but everyone at my previous job defended why they couldn’t afford to lose the guy who threatened me. But yesterday I saw their banner “now hiring” back up. It brought me some happiness, because they obviously couldn’t afford to lose me either.
That all sounds so positive Hoderi, and that bit at the end “now hiring” really made me smile. it great to hear you sound so much calmer and upbeat than before. It really does help when you have a therapist who has more understanding of you.
Keep going, you are on the right track and there are good things out there for good people like yourself.
Thanks for the update, it was a joy to read.
Take care friend
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