Had to leave my wife

So after a 7 year-long roller coaster of a marriage, I decided it was best to end things with my wife about a month ago. Honestly, I don’t know why I kept it going this long. A year into our marriage, we separated due to me being unable to hold down a job, which is understandable. 10 months later, I find out she was pregnant with some other guy who she didn’t want to be with anymore, so being me I decided to step up be a dad to the kid. Then she left again to be with the kid’s dad. Repeat this a couple times over the course of 4 years and add another kid 10 months after the first was born, which brings us to 2020. We rekindled our relationship, and she leaves the kids’ dad for good. The two years were in steady decline. Our intimacy diminished rapidly, and I never felt wanted by her. I always felt like it was just her and the kids, with me as an afterthought. Whenever I wanted to do something, she always just so happened to have something planned that day. I tried and tried to communicate, but nothing ever changed.

Then a month ago, I decided to go back on the road as a truck driver so she could be a stay-at-home mom. She seemed alright with that as we had talked about it before and then told me that she was going to stay at her parents’ house for the weekend. Well, during that weekend, she closed our joint bank account, and didn’t tell me. I didn’t find out until my card got declined when I tried to buy food for lunch and went to the bank to see what was going on. I confronted her and she denied it until I told her I went to the bank. She said she couldn’t trust me not to spend money on take out, which fair enough I had problems with eating out a lot. She also decided to give up our apartment, and stay with her parents’ and, to my dismay, she informed me that I was not welcome to stay there when I returned home from the road. I also wasn’t allowed to use our second car anymore to attend my orientation for the truck driving company the next day.

So, I took a step back, looked at all the pieces of this puzzle closely,

-She took all the money out of our account and tried to hide it.
-She gave up our apartment to live at her parents
-I wasn’t welcome at her parents.
-I could no longer use our second car to attend my trucking orientation

It was all starting to feel similar to when she left before, so I decided I can’t trust her anymore.
She and I had a long talk, and I told her I couldn’t be with someone I could not trust fully.

So here we are. One month later. I’m lonelier than ever, wondering if I made the right choice because despite her doing what she did, I miss her and the kids.

6 Likes

From: Solemnis

First, let me welcome you to the Heartsupport community. I hope we can support you and make you feel better. :slightly_smiling_face:

That is quite the rollercoaster ride you have been through! I cannot imagine how that must have felt like. I completely understand your reaction and finally ending the relationship with her. But on the other hand I also understand that you always forgave her and tried to make things work out. It is very difficult if you want to be with someone, but are unsure if you can trust them, are unsure if they still love you and whether it is the right decision. You have been very patient and goodwilling with her but it seems this made you suffer a lot. I hope you were able to find a way to continue your truck driving education since it is important now to rebuild your life and focus on yourself. It is very understandable that you still miss her. Relationships and the connected emotions can be complex and even if the other person hurt you and disappointed you over and over again, you cannot just turn off your feelings for them. Do you plan to try to stay in contact with her children, even though they are not yours? Despite everything you seem to be attached to them, and of course they are not at fault and should not suffer from the situation, although I believe some form of stability and a clarified front might be helpful for everybody. I hope you found a new place for yourself to live. It sounds like the most important and healthy thing for you now to do would be to focus on reclaiming your life, making sure you have a safe home and are happy in your job so you can be independent, financially and emotionally. Please keep us updated about how you have been and what has changed in your life, if you want to. I wish you a lot of strength for the future and all the best!

2 Likes

Thank you for the words of support. Unfortunately, having a connection with the kids out of the question. She has made it very clear that I have to stay away from them.

The truck company has since rescinded its offer of employment because I could not make it to orientation.

I’m currently working at a fast-food place to help keep my head above water.

3 Likes

Welcome to HS ledge! That’s a lot to go through. Oh my gosh.
So firstly she hasn’t been the most faithful person, especially after the fact going back and forth, and then she further misused your trust by all these things like the bank account and the car ect.
I know that it may seem like a loss and that you feel like you’re in a worse place than before, but you do not deserve to be treated that way. You deserve someone who is dedicated and loves you solely, you deserve someone who wants to put in the same effort and trust you do.

I know you may not be happy working at a fast food job, but it’s a job and there’s always time to move on to other things. It may feel like starting back at the start, but you do have experience and that will help. This doesn’t have to be forever

You finally took a stand for yourself and you should be proud of yourself. I know the hardest part is missing having someone around and missing the kids. The kids I understand, but once you open your heart to someone who treats you right, you’ll realise that you don’t miss that environment.

Keep holding your head up.

1 Like

From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, Ledge, and Welcome to HeartSupport! Thank you for sharing your story with us. It was quite the roller coaster to read and I cannot imagine going through that kind of relationship with someone. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to find someone supportive and worthy of your love. Those people do exist who would love to be with someone supportive and loyal like you and who will support and be loyal to you in turn. I hope that you find people like that in the future.

I’m sorry that you missed out on the job opportunity because of your ex and her toxicity. I hope that you are able to find another opportunity. It sounds like a job trucking around the country and exploring new places and meeting lots of different people would be a great way for you to move on from these last 7 years. Don’t give up on it!

I am glad that you came and shared this with us and I hope that you continue sharing your journey with us. We are always here and happy to read and support everyone in the community. Stay strong and keep swimming :hrtlegolove:

3 Likes

From: I Am Reclaimer

Hey Friend. This one hits pretty close to home for me as I went through an insanely toxic meriage where my wife cheated on me (at least) three times before I got to the point of leaving her. I’m just sorry you had to deal with this for so long. Honestly, though, I’m proud of your for sticking up for yourself and leaving her. While a big part of your life is gone, it’s for the better. You don’t deserve to be treated this way by another human. It’s going to feel lonely for a while, but It’s going to be SO worth it in the long run. Once you’re able to find love for yourself again, she’ll be just a distant memory and you can move onto someone that will treat you the way you deserve. I know it’s hard, but stay in there. Stay strong!