I was doing zoom meeting at work for DBT therapy. I told what happen at work ( where my boss/ friend was drunk/high and destroyed my work area.) I they told me if I don’t report to police. I could lose my job and be arrested for helping a crime.
I called my other boss and told my side of the story. He said I should be fine, I don’t get in trouble and my co worker said they have my back. It felt so uncomfortable being around my friend ( the drunken one) today, I went behind his back and just fucking feel like shit. I’m worrying that will be a fist fight, or he will kill himself. What make more shitty he has pregnant wife.
I’m also still worry about losing my job, it would be the end where I would go back to self harm and maybe even worst.
I have to shared these dark thoughts are in my head, I thought killing people. Even my friend or his wife or driving through fuck I can’t saying. These situations put in very dark evil place. My shadow want to take over and get his revenge with society. I try fix my past mistakes, try be a better person . All I want just a simple life, just a job that give me a peace. I gave on my passion for careeer. I was willing clean toilets and just be happy with that. But it could taken away from me and I did not do anything wrong. I’m scare of my own self, when I felt been wrong or hurt. I want revenge, it want to do worst to people. Please help me I don’t want let the monster out.
I have dark thoughts too, so I understand. You have to remember that they are ONLY thoughts and YOU have the choice to act on them or not.
Can you talk to your DBT therapist about these thoughts?
Try not to get into a spiral of negative thoughts and remember this. They said everything should be ok and they have your back. As long as you were truthful, then you’ll be ok.
Your co-worker messed up and destroyed property. He has to suffer the consequences and it’s not your fault at all for anything that happens to him. He made the mistakes, not you. How he handles it has nothing to do with you either, he makes his own choices.
I think you are fine and should have nothing to worry about.
You’re doing the right thing. It’s not ratting out your friend, it’s protecting yourself. You shouldn’t have to take the fall because he was a drunken asshole. It’s a shitty situation all around. It may lead to a fight, it may cost you your friendship, it may cost him his job and income. Nothing about that is good. But it’s worse if you take the hit for his actions. You’d be the one without a job, you’d be on the hook for damages or criminal activity, you’d be the one who had trouble getting hired because you got fired from your last job, all when it wasn’t your fault. You would really be down on yourself then. You would be really angry at your friend, and rightly so. This wasn’t your fault, so you shouldn’t have to bear the consequences.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” You can control whether you get blamed or your friend is held responsible. In that way, you can control your job situation. I hope you can find the courage to do what’s right and honest for you. You can’t control what happens to your friend or how he reacts. I hope you can find enough peace to ride that wave. Keep us updated.
From: E Man
First of all don’t worry. Im pretty sure you won’t let the monster control you. Since you were strong enough to stop self harm Im prettry sure you can stop that too! Also don’t worry it wasn’t your fault. It was your friend’s actions and results of that actions. Even if your friend’s wife is pregnant this doesn’t means they can do whatever they want. So don’t worry it wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself :3
From: I Am Reclaimer
Hey Friend, It sounds like you’re in a difficult spot with work, especially it being a significant part of your life. my first question to you is to ask yourself is; is this person really your friend? I ask this because it’s easy to get caught up with toxic people who claim they are your friend, without actually showing you they are your friend. you “going behind his back” was probably the best thing you could do because you have YOUR life that you need to take care of first. You cant help others until you help yourself. When it comes to him doing self harm, it’s easy to feel for the people who go through this, but the best thing you can do for this person is to call a suicide/self harm hotline to get these individuals professional help. I’ve had to do this with friends who are extremely close to me and it has ended up being the best thing for their life. It’s hard to do, but it’s the right thing to do. With regard to the thoughts that stream through your head… we all have a lot that we deal with and negative energy manifests in different forms. It’s simple nature to have energy go to different things. I personally deal with tremendous rage when it’s triggered by certain things. Something that has helped me with this is to get in touch with these emotions and thoughts and “transmute” the energy into something productive. For example, my outlets are to go for a walk outside, a creative outlet in the form of writing music (metal) and to also talk with those friends that I know that are there for me. a simple way to put it is in a quote that I love - “heros and cowards both feel the same fear. it’s just a matter of what they do with it.” Lastly, I’ve grown a lot as a person by seeking professional help. It can be seriously scarey at first, but it is seriously worth it. Loving yourself is important. Good luck friend, know that youre not alone.
From: Aces MCL36M
Hallos! First of all I dont think you should be feeling guilty, as he has responsibilities to follow but coming to the workplace high and drunk is a fireable offense. You’re a good person for not just thinking about your friend financialy about his family, but you need to think about yourself as well and if its in risk of losing your job for covering for a friend who didn’t take their responsibilities seriously. When talking about your dark thoughts the best idea is talking to someone professional and trying to learn how to self control to help out better in the future.
From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)
Hi Metalskater1990 I am very sorry have have to go through this. First of all you should not feel guilty at all about what you did. Your friend is responsible for their choices and they made a bad very choice. That “friend” of yours had put you into a very bad place. You are at no fault here ok. When it comes to your dark thoughts you should definitely talk to yur therapist about those even though these are mostly connected to BPD. I really hope things will get better on your end. Wishing you the best