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Happiness…

I find happiness in moments.
But when the moment is gone, what am I left with?
I feel empty or sad, anxious or mad. I feel unresolved. The problems still remain. Another one will pop up even if the other things get figured out. And then I’m back at square one, my hope for something brighter having been stolen once again.
And I keep searching for that next moment that I can hold on to. I keep searching for something that seems deceptively in sight but always just out of reach.
Changing my attitude won’t help. I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.

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You are left with the knowledge that moments of happiness will continue to occur. The problem with searching is that by doing so, you’re telling your subconscious that searching is your state of being, rather than discovering such moments as they occur.

You’re absolutely right, if you maintain the conviction that it won’t. It’s not unlike saying, “Nothing will stop me from being angry.” With that frame of reference, anything that may resolve the anger, won’t. Some self-fulfilling prophecies aren’t helpful.

Feeling unresolved, and negative emotions won’t go away, which is why it’s really important to be aware of the happy moments, and the opportunities to create them. Then the negative emotions are diminished for a while. Life consists of negative and positive experience. As you take time to appreciate the positive, the amount of positive experience available increases. If you dwell on the negative and tell yourself that life sucks, it’ll be far harder to experience happy times.

It is hard to handle negative emotions, especially when they seem to serve no purpose other than cause despondency and anxiety. I’m pretty sure you’re far stronger than you realize. It may be possible to “assign purpose” to those emotions. The purpose may take the form of conveying wisdom, tolerance, forgiveness, creativity and more.

I suffered a hellacious amount in early life, yet I’m still here, and okay with it. Most of my life was a cycle between periods of depression/anxiety and happiness/contentment. It might help to consider both the sad and happy times as “episodes.” That can help you keep in mind that the sad times will be intermittently absent, and the happy times will be intermittently present.

As time passes, and you are open to it, reasons to be happy will increase in number. If you look at the world through poop colored glasses, you will see poop. It’s best to wear glasses that don’t block the light.

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From: ManekiNeko

it’s hard to feel like things can feel better when life hits a place that feels stagnant. It feels like an endless loop of trying to find “joy” or “peace” and nothing satisfies, or at least not for very long.
Do you talk to anyone professional about those feelings?
I know it’s not always beneficial to force yourself to feel hopeful or pretend to be happy. It’s not a true reflection of how we feel, which is why sometimes it’s important to get to the bottom of WHY we feel that way.
Sometimes having someone who had that insight and experience to ask the right questions and make the right suggestions is so helpful and lifts a burden we place on ourselves to have to make that change all on our own. I hope you’re able to find a little bit of peace and rest from this. You deserve it