I have been listening to traditional Chinese kids songs, and singing them… whenever i get to sing a childern’s song out loud, it makes me joyful. Whenever i get to play with younger kids and they accept me and my beliefs, i feel joyful.
These are the pictures i drew. they are my art. They feature happy childern. I miss the times when i was a happy child. i am still a kid but they don’t really let me be anymore.
The girk on the far left is the one I think is me.
these two are actually older but something about it… just… they can be together and be happy. happy siblings together, and they can be outside on the bench together. they could draw a hopscoth after school and the girl with glasses, in my imagination her cousin comes over for tea sometimes and they like to play volleyball and…
it makes me realise how their community reminds me of the dojo that is my home and then how sad i am to be apart…apart from so many of my closest freinds and the place that haas gained as much familiarity as my house. the smell of that place echos in my dreams and I talk about it like I could just go there but i feel sick to my stomach because i can’t.
And then there is this and he is almost like as to be the spirit of the rainbow. One time i had a dream that one of my freinds cam eover for a sleepover (which people who aren’t in the family never really do) and there was a unicorn outside that created an upside down rainbow.
And the way it felt to be in a public place and then get separated from my family… it was too real.
and then there is this…
if it feels real to you, just say so. it feels real to me. it reminds me of the times when I could just be a kid and happy. it just gets worse and stress gets worse and less and less people understand how that inside i just want people to let me stay the same because who i am is unchanging.
The one with gree hair had greeen hair because of a genetic mutation.