Hate life

I’ve basically my hate self and my life. All my life I have never really been happy there has always been more bad than good. Even from a very young age I didn’t want to be here. It’s not fair. I feel like I have so much bad luck I pray for good things the happen but not much happens. I basically have no friends no one ever texts me and I’m sort of socially awkward. I live in quite a toxic household that is judgemental. I can’t wait to finally leave home. I feel so lonely. No one really stood by me in my darkest moments. All people do is look at me and see my pain but keep away because they don’t want to get involved. People have said some hurtful things in life to the point I find it strange if someone says something nice. Bad things have happened in the past and it hurts. I’m not good at anything I’ve always been average in everything I do. All I know is pain. Its come to a point where is feel numb, I’ve been numb for a while. I feel like life is a little foggy. Some how it’s all my fault. It’s hard to keep living and I don’t know if things will get better.

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I wish I had more to say, some profound statement that would change everything, but I don’t. All I can offer you is love and support and understanding. I have struggled with depression from the time I was a little girl. I struggle with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.

The things that help me most are my faith in God, counseling, medication, and doing things that I usually enjoy even when I don’t feel like it. (Going on a walk, coloring, reading, etc.)

Please keep reaching out. You are special and important. You have a purpose on the this planet that no one else has. And even though I’m just a stranger on the internet, know that I love you and I’m praying for you. :two_hearts:

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@sadgirl1 thank you for reaching out and sharing with us here. You are feeling overwhelmed by pain and loneliness. I want you to know that you don’t need to blame yourself for having these feelings. You said that it’s all your fault somehow but what I’m hearing from you is that you’re experiencing lots of pain and disappointment and have been for a long time. Feeling lonely and sad because of this is not something to blame yourself for. Please do not believe that you did anything to deserve blame. You are experiencing the numbness of depression. I have felt that same numbness a lot in my life and I know how hard it is to carry that every day. I cycled through times of severe depression for 13 years before finding a way to manage it and enjoy life again. I say this to let you know that even when it feels like things will not change and that you will always hate yourself, there is hope for healing and loving yourself and your life.
You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of love. You are unique and have unique gifts.
You are worthy just as you are.
It sounds like the people that surround you right now are hurting you more and perpetuating your feelings… But there are people in the world who care about you and can make you see the good in yourself. They’re out there. We’re here for you and care about you.