Hey Amaris, you came to the right place to share this.
You have absolutely every right to be angry and you don’t have to feel guilty about that. It’s part of the natural human spectrum of emotions, after all, and it’s not always a senselessly destructive force like it can be made out to be. I think that keeping warranted agitations to ourselves is more dangerous than venting when we need to so, of course, please feel free to express whatever you want to here (as long as you’re respectful and follow the rules, but you know that).
You’re also right to focus on your emotional needs before you try to fix your relationship. It’s important to make sure we’re okay first because otherwise there’s practically no chance of us handling a delicate situation in a way that we’d really want to. It’s also just a better choice for your health, particularly in the long-term. I’m very much with you here.
Talking about your anger is a coping mechanism, but it’s a healthy one. Coping isn’t healthy if it doesn’t address the underlying problem. I think a big factor in what sets it apart from distraction as a way to cope is that it treats your emotional responses and needs as valid and important. That’s huge because, well, they are. How you feel matters. It doesn’t have to be explained away or treated like a burden, it just is. It comes out for a reason, and that reason is exactly why it’s important to pay attention to feelings like this. I’m saying all of this because I can personally relate to what you’re saying here:
Let me be anger, I need room to be angry without feeling guilty for it.
It sounds like you haven’t been given the space to express yourself freely, at least enough of the time to make you feel pent up about it. So I just really want to reassure you: you have every right to feel this. It’s not immoral or damaging to the people around you, they’re all individuals who can cope with you witnessing unpleasant emotions sometimes.
It’s not uncommon for people who’ve had really negative, traumatic experiences with expressions of anger to be intolerant of such expressions, and the importance of dealing with that sort of thing with care can’t be overstated. But it is only passing on the trauma to insist that other people don’t express their feelings, ever, because of how those feelings might affect them. I’m not sure if this relates specifically to this situation, but I thought I’d mention it just in case.
There’s a lot to say about this. The main thing in my mind is that emotions tend to come from somewhere. It might help to think about, and share if you want to, what’s getting on your nerves in as much detail as feels comfortable. From what I can tell, painting in super broad strokes, it seems like you’re not being seen, your efforts aren’t being appreciated, and the way you’re being spoken to is infantilising.
Nobody likes to be ordered around and that’s especially true when we’re already doing work. It also sounds like you’ve been pushed to feel guilty about your emotions, and that can cause a reflexive spike in anger too. It might also be true that you’re being forced to act like you don’t feel other things too. I’ve been there and it really sucks. I hope you know that here in this place that won’t be expected of you.
I’m with you friend, and if you want to talk more about this I’ll be happy to listen. I hope you’re having a good day and I that venting about this has already helped a little.